


This is War

by Liz_Night



Category: Star Trek
Genre: M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2012-10-09
Updated: 2012-10-09
Packaged: 2017-11-16 00:08:53
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, Rape/Non-Con
Chapters: 14
Words: 26,901
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/533298
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Liz_Night/pseuds/Liz_Night
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>AU. Spock is born as a natural submissive, a nepik. After his first bond ends in tragedy he runs to Earth and Starfleet. There he meets Nyota Uhura and Jim Kirk.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Prologue: The Moment to Live

**Author's Note:**

> Some dialogue taken directly from the movie and deleted scenes. I love my DVD. I'm really nervous about posting this, but we'll see!
> 
> Disclaimer: I don't own Star Trek or pretty much anything associated with it. I also don't own the dialogue that is recognizable.

The midwife placed the baby in Amanda's arms. She looked down at him–her child!–with wonder. Tears slid down her face as she sobbed. This almost hadn't been. She'd almost lost this blessed child. She absently heard the midwives speaking quietly, most likely about her, she knew, but she couldn't bring herself to care.

The door squeaked as Sarek walked out to the balcony. He sat beside his wife, gazing down at her and his son. Amanda could see him consciously restraining his joy. He sat beside her and touched his first two fingers to those of her's under their child. Her other hand reached up and cupped his cheek as she smiled at him. She looked back down at their son, unable to believe their miracle was finally here. The corners of his lips made the barest move up, showing his love for them both.

"Look," she said quietly, showing him their son.

"I had a thought," he said, "that we might name the child after one of Vulcan's early society-builders." He looked down into his son's face and back up at his wife. "His name was Spock."

Amanda looked at her boy, considering the name silently.

"Your silence does not seem to suggest enormous enthusiasm," Sarek observed, slightly disappointed.

"No," she replied. "Spock," she said, tasting the name on her tongue. She smiled. "Spock."

"He has your eyes," Sarek told her.

The baby squirmed as Amanda stroked his ears. "Yes. And your ears," she smiled. "Hello, Spock."

They watched their son as he slumbered. The midwives left quietly.

"How will we raise him?" Sarek asked, hesitantly.

She looked up at her husband, troubled. "The Vulcan way," she reluctantly replied, knowing what it would mean. She would one day not be able to show her child how much she loved him. But it would be the best for him.

Sarek raised his hand and touched his son's cheek. The baby squirmed and opened his eyes, looking up at his father. He yawned widely and shut his eyes again before settling. Sarek's hand moved to gently hold his son's hand.

"The doctor said that this could be possible," Sarek said quietly.

Amanda leaned her head against her husband's shoulder. She was exhausted. "I know."

"He will need to be bonded before his condition awakens."

Amanda nodded, eyes closing. Sarek gazed down at his beloved human wife as she fell asleep, arms still folded securely around their son. He gently took Spock out of her arms. He stood and placed the infant in a crib.

Sarek watched his son as the boy lay sleeping. The mark on his arm was clearly visible. Dark green, the one line swirled once around his arm, coming to an end near his knuckle.

It was the mark of a _nepik_. A natural submmissive.


	2. Chapter One: Not the End, Not the Start

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Warning for dark themes at the end of this chapter!

_Seven years later:_

Spock suppressed his shiver. He looked up through his lashes at the Vulcan elder, Lady T'Pau. The woman was... intimidating.

Another Vulcan, approximately five years older than Spock, knelt beside him. He was Stonn. He noticed Spock looking at him and glared back.

Prior to this meeting Stonn had repeatedly tried to elicit emotional responses out of Spock. To come here to this moment was... unsettling.

Spock knew the moment the bonding ceremony was complete. He could feel Stonn in his mind. The sensation was unpleasant at best. He could feel the despise the other male felt poisoning his mind.

Spock stood stiffly. Their parents bid Stonn and him to spend time together while they spoke. The pair walked out of the room and to one of the gardens.

"You are disgusting."

Spock turned to his future bondmate. This was nothing new.

"It makes me sick to feel you inside my mind," Stonn continued with a sneer "You, a _half-breed_. You are inferior. It is no wonder that you are marked as so."

Spock drew back as if he had been slapped. To have it thrown in his face that he was a _nepik_ hurt more than he wanted anyone to know.

He had known for the entirety of his seven years of life that he was not just different because of his human heritage. He had been born naturally submissive, a rarity for a Vulcan male. And looked down upon.

Spock remained silent. Stonn was his last, and only, choice. No one else would have him. The only reason Stonn's family had agreed to the arrangement was to elevate their family's status. Spock absently wondered how Stonn's parents had gotten the Vulcan to accept the bond.

Spock's head snapped to the side from the force of Stonn's slap. It was just soft enough not to leave a mark. He blinked suddenly wet eyes and felt irritation at himself and his humanity. Full-blooded Vulcan's did not possess tear ducts, but he did.

"You _are_ inferior," Stonn growled. "And it has come to me to put you in your place."

Spock's head snapped to the other side from another slap. He did not fight back; this was his fate.

* * *

_Eight years later:_

Stonn pounced on him, growling. Spock stifled his yelp of surprise as the older Vulcan tore his robe open.

It was Stonn's Time. The bond that had been started eight years ago would be complete and whole after that night's events.

Stonn bit down on Spock's shoulder, making the younger Vulcan scream.

"I hate you," he growled, Spock's blood dripping from his mouth. "I will make you suffer for ever existing."

He pushed him to the ground. His landing was hard, despite the soft carpeting. Stonn roughly turned him over so that he lay on his stomach. His robes were ripped away from his body, leaving him exposed. He was pressed to the floor, no chance of escape.

Spock wasn't ready for the searing pain when Stonn entered him unprepared. He gasped, mind clouding from the sheer agony. Stonn's blunt nails dug into his hips, keeping him still as he plunged in and out of him. Spock felt his skin rip and he was barely able to choke back a sob.

He whimpered as Stonn ripped him apart, in more ways then just physically, as the older Vulcan moved above him.

Stonn pulled his head up by his hair and pushed his fingers to Spock's meld points, roughly. Much as how he had entered him physically, Stonn did not ease entering Spock's mind. Spock's entire world narrowed to pure agony. He could feel nothing else.

Spock lay afterwards, broken and trembling, with Stonn beside him, spent. He would never forget the past _hours_ of torture.

Their bond was complete. He would be Stonn's. Forever.


	3. Chapter Two: The Moment to Die

_Three years later:_

Spock put his hand to his stomach. A life was now growing within him. A life that had been born of the bond between him and Stonn. In the three years since they had completed the bond this unborn child was the first, and only, good thing to come of it.

Spock brushed his hair out of his eyes. Stonn had not allowed him out of their residence in... Spock had lost track of how long he had been kept there. The only people he saw regularly was Stonn, his mother, and, occasionally, his father. The only reason he could see his parents was because not even Stonn could keep his mother away.

The doctor had come to the house and examined him earlier that morning. The diagnosis had been a shock. His family, the doctors, even he, had thought that he was infertile. Spock now knew how his mother must have felt when his parents had found they were pregnant with him.

Spock lay in the bed, caressing his stomach. He imagined what would become of the child within him.

He looked up as the door opened to reveal Stonn. He was still dressed in the clothes he had worn to the city.

"What did the doctor say was wrong?" Stonn asked, disgust apparent in his face and voice.

"There is nothing wrong."

Stonn sneered at his insufferably unintelligent mate. "You have been sick for the past 6.8 weeks. There has to be something wrong."

"I am pregnant."

Stonn stared at him in repressed shock, but his expression quickly morphed to one of the Vulcan's rages. Spock curled in on himself, trying to protect their child.

"You disgusting abomination," Stonn hissed. He crossed the room quickly to punch Spock's cheek. The younger Vulcan went sprawling across the bed. Stonn grabbed and pulled him up by the collar of his robe and punched him again.

Spock's head began to spin as he tasted blood.

Stonn dragged him off the bed and to the floor. Spock lay, trying to protect his stomach. Stonn kicked his lower back, making him scream and arch away from the other male's feet. Stonn took advantage of that moment of pain and kicked the younger Vulcan again.

Spock gasped and tried to crawl away. Stonn grasped his hair and pulled him up and across the room, to the door.

"I will _never_ sire children with _you_. I will not allow my family's bloodline to be diluted by your human _filth_!" Stonn threw him down the hall and the stairs.

Spock lay, broken and bleeding, at the bottom of the steps. He wept as he lost consciousness, clutching desperately at his stomach.

* * *

Spock opened his eyes to a foreign ceiling. He turned his head to the side with difficulty to see his mother reading in the chair beside his bed.

She glanced up, as if she had been doing so many times recently, and saw that he was awake.

"Spock!" she said as she sat up and closed her book. "How are you feeling?"

Spock swallowed. His mouth felt as dry as one of Vulcan's deserts. His mother seemed to realize this and poured him a glass of water from a pitcher. She helped him to sit up and drink it slowly.

"I... I am well," Spock told her. In truth, he was stiff and sore all over. There also seemed to be an... emptiness within him. That emptiness also ached fiercely. His memory was oddly faint. He had no idea what day it was, nor the time.

"Spock," she admonished. "I need you to tell me the truth."

"I am sore," he admitted. "Why? I do not remember."

Amanda bit her lip, one of her human habits that had never completely disappeared throughout the time she had lived on Vulcan. Yet it only appeared when she was distressed about something.

"You fell," she whispered.

Spock tilted his head in confusion. "Why do I not remember?"

"The healers have given you medication for your recovery. They will cloud your memories till they have left your body."

Both Spock and Amanda turned to see Sarek at the door. Spock thought that the man appeared much older than the last time he had seen him.

"Why am I at the hospital? What happened?" Without noticing it, Spock's hand fell to his stomach. Both his parents saw it, though. Amanda looked to her husband, unsure of how much they should tell Spock.

"I went to your residence earlier today," Sarek said, speaking slowly. "I found you at the bottom of the stairs."

"I fell down the stairs?" Spock asked. Although it would explain his pain, it seemed rather uncharacteristic of him. He had no doubt Stonn would let him know how unintelligent he had been.

"No," Sarek said softly. "Stonn... pushed you down the steps."

Spock stared up at his father in horror. The events from earlier that day rushed back to him. His heart seemed to jump from his side to his throat, even though the very thought of it was illogical.

"The child... Is it?"

Sarek shook his head and Spock heard a high pitched whine in the room. He realized after a few seconds that he was making the noise.

"The child did not survive the trauma. Stonn has been apprehended and we will receive retribution. The bond has been broken."

Tears blurred Spock's vision and he wrapped his arms around his middle, desperately wanting his child back. He began to sob.

"Amanda," Sarek said quietly, unnoticed by Spock. It was the Vulcan way to grieve in private.

"He's my son, Sarek," Amanda told him, eyes hardening. She turned from him and wrapped her arms around Spock. He leaned into her.

Sarek turned from the sight and cleared his throat before speaking. "I will arrange another bond for you, Spock. Soon."

He didn't miss Spock's head jerk to look up at him. He stared, through the tears, with terror at his father.

Sarek turned from the room and walked down the hall.

He was grateful that his son was alive. He wished that he could erase the sight of Spock lying in a pool of his own blood. As he passed a young Vulcan couple with an infant he felt a pang for the grandchild he would never hold. His throat felt oddly closed as he walked out of the hospital. He walked further into the city, no doubt of where he was going.

Stonn would pay for nearly killing his son.

* * *

Spock quietly gathered his things. There was not much.

He was still sore and walked gingerly, but he was well enough to travel. He would have to be–time was running out.

He looked out his bedroom door and saw no one in the hall. He crept out, careful of the floorboards he knew would creak.

"You're leaving."

He turned back to see his mother, standing in her robe. She looked sad.

"I cannot be bonded again," Spock told her.

She nodded. "I know," she took the last few steps to him and hugged him to her before releasing him. She placed a few credit chips in his hand. "They should cover your travel expenses and a few months wherever you decide to go."

"I have enlisted in Starfleet," Spock admitted.

Amanda nodded again. "I know. Spock, I love you."

"Thank you, Mother. I... I love you, too," Spock told her, defying his Vulcan heritage with difficulty.

She hugged him again. "Don't lose contact with us, Spock."

"I will not," Spock told her. He turned away and started down the steps, gripping the railing tightly. He paused and turned back one last time. "Please tell Father... I am sorry."

Amanda nodded, a tear falling down her cheek.

Spock turned and didn't look back again.


	4. Chapter Three: To the Edge of the Earth

_Six months later:_

Spock looked at the clock on the wall as he waited. He hoped the tour would not take long. His migraine had been brewing for the past few days and it seemed to only get worse.

He looked up as the door opened and several teenagers, years younger than him, stepped into the room following an instructor.

"And this is Cadet Spock, who will give you a tour of the campus. Thank you for coming today and we hope you have enjoyed yourselves," the instructor said with a smile directed at the hopeful students. He turned to Spock. "You have the floor, Cadet Spock."

Spock ignored the man's illogical statement in favor of bringing the tour to a swift end. He introduced himself, giving his year and focus of study, before leading the group away. They walked through campus, Spock pointing out the various academic buildings and dorms. Finally the tour mercifully ended. He bid the students farewell and took his leave.

He only made it as far as a bench in what the majority of the student body called the "dell." It was in all reality a park in the middle of the campus. He nearly collapsed onto the bench and dropped his head into shaking hands.

"Spock?" he heard a nervous voice say.

He tiredly looked up. "Yes?"

He vaguely remembered the young lady in front of him being in the tour he had just led. "Are you okay?"

"I am well," he lied, steeling himself to try to make it back to his dorm. "If you will excuse me, I must-"

She put her hand on his arm and he stopped speaking. "You're not okay. Spock," she bit her lip nervously. "Would I be wrong if I thought that you were born. . . as a..."

" _Nepik_?" he supplied without emotion. She blinked down at him in confusion. "A submissive," he spat out the hated words. She nodded. "Yes, I was."

The girl sat beside him. "How long has it been since. . . Well, you know?"

"Since I was sexually intimate?" he asked and she nodded. "Five months, twenty-two days, and-"

"Dear God! Are you insane?" She yelped, jumping to her feet. She pulled him up after her. "Come on!"

"Where are you taking me?" Spock asked, too tired to fight back.

"To a bar, before you kill yourself!" she said.

Spock did not know how long it took for them to reach the bar, nor how the girl convinced the guard to let her in despite her age. Darkness was beginning to creep at the edges of his vision.

He was brought back to the world when one of the bar's patrons bumped into him, knocking him off-balance. The stranger grabbed his shoulder, keeping him upright.

"Sorry about that, man," the youth said. Spock absently noticed he couldn't have been much older than the girl who had brought him here, but he held two beers. The teenager's face wrinkled in concern. "Hey, are you alright?"

The young girl pushed between them. "He's okay," she said before leading Spock away. He looked back to see the youth's eyes following them away. He noticed Spock's glance and smiled, raising his glass in a wave, before he was swallowed by the crowd in the bar.

The girl stopped at the bar and spoke to the bartender just loud enough for him, and no one else, to hear. She smiled her thanks and passed him a credit chip when the conversation concluded and led Spock up a hidden staircase.

The music was quieter in the hall they entered at the top of the steps. There were several rooms on both sides of the hall. Numbers were posted on the doors. The girl led him to a room marked with a six and stopped him in front of it.

"Spock, these people know about people like us," she said, trying to keep his wavering attention. "They'll take care of you." With that she opened the door and pushed him inside.

Spock stumbled into the room and caught himself on the large bed in the middle of the room. Hands caught his and pulled him onto the bed. A mouth found his neck and began to lick, nibble, and suck. His clothes were removed almost without his notice. He opened his bleary eyes, darkness beginning to fade, to see a man a few years older than him. His brown hair was cut short and close to his head. His eyelids nearly covered deep, brown eyes.

A slick finger entered him, moving slowly, but efficiently. Another soon joined it. When the man decided Spock was prepared enough, he entered Spock with something much bigger than a finger, or three.

Spock didn't last long and didn't remember much of the encounter. He knew the man must have cleaned them both and covered him, before leaving the room, but he found no recollection of any such events. His next memory was of the young girl stroking his sweaty hair.

"Are you with me again?" she asked quietly, hand stilling.

He moved his head toward her head and she began her petting again. "Yes."

"That was close," she said. "Did no one ever tell you what would happen if you didn't let yourself be dominated often enough?"

Spock shook his head.

The girl sighed. "Oh, dear," she said, pity entering his mind from her touch. "You'll go into a coma. Within a few weeks you'd be gone. How did you not know this?"

"My people are. . . rather private. We prefer not to discuss such matters," Spock told her as he began to feel exhaustion weighing him down. "In addition, I was bonded for a few years prior to today."

The girl stiffened. "You have a bondmate?"

Spock shook his head with sorrow. "Our bond was dissolved."

"Oh you poor dear," she said. "Sleep. When you wake up we'll go to my place."

Spock did as she told him to do and knew no more for the next few hours.

* * *

Spock woke, hours later, feeling better than he had for over a month. He sat up against the pillows and looked around the room for the first time. The girl who had taken him there sat in a chair, reading from a padd.

Spock was mortified that he had never paid attention to her appearance before that moment. She wore a deep purple sweater and fitted jeans. Her long hair was held back with a purple hairband. She looked very young. She looked up at him and put the padd back in her bag.

"How are you feeling?" she asked.

"I feel much better," he nodded. "Thank you."

She shook her head. "You didn't know. As another _nepik_ ," her human tongue stumbled over the foreign word, "it's my. . . duty to help you. And my pleasure."

She crossed the room and sat on the bed, beside his legs. "I'm Nyota Uhura, by the way. I live in San Francisco with my parents."

"Do they know where you are?" Spock asked.

Nyota nodded. "I called them and they understood. They can't wait to meet you."

"How did you know what to do?" he flushed. "You're so young, your. . . condition should not have occurred yet."

"My mom's a submissive, too. When the doctors told my parents that I was one, too, my mother started to tell me what to do if it ever awoke and I wasn't in a relationship," she smiled down at him softly. "And it's not a condition. It's a part of us. Of who we are."

Spock looked down at his lap, chastised. "You have done so much for me already. How can I ever repay you?"

Nyota laughed. "You don't have to repay me. I'm doing this of free will," she said with a smile and a soft cuff of his head. "But if you insist on repaying me. . . " her lips quirked up mischievously. "You can be my friend and help me at the academy when I enter."

Spock regarded her quietly. "I believe I would welcome that," he finally said.


	5. Chapter Four: Not the Earth and Not the Stars

_Ten years later:_

Spock opened his door to a fuming Nyota. She pushed past him and began to pace the length of his apartment.

"I hate that Kirk!" she finally said.

"What has brought upon this revelation?" Spock asked as he sat down and watched the cadet pace before him. It wasn't the first time Nyota had come to him after dealing with the infamous Cadet Kirk that he had yet to meet. These late night meetings had been recurring very often for the past three years, since she had met Kirk.

She spun around to face him. "He was in my room. With Gaila!"

"Is this the first time you have found someone with your roommate?" Spock asked.

Nyota sighed and sat beside him. "It's not that. It's just… Kirk! He's so arrogant! How did he get into the academy? He's a dumb hick!"

"I reviewed Cadet Kirk's records after your last… altercation with him," Spock told her. "They are remarkable."

Nyota leaned forward with a groan. "That's just it! How does he have those records and act the way he does?"

"As I have no observations of Kirk, I cannot have any response for that question," he said.

The woman leaned back against his shoulder and he put his arm around her. They had fallen into the routine born during the decade they had been friends.

"He's taking your test again," she said.

"What test?"

"The Kobayashi Maru."

Spock looked down at her, surprise apparent.

"You said that he is taking it again?" Spock asked.

Nyota nodded. "It's his third time. He's convinced that he's going to beat it this time."

"That is impossible," Spock said. "Has he not realized this the previous times he has attempted the simulation?"

Nyota snorted. "He's 'Jim Kirk!'" she said, mocking the cadet. "He doesn't believe in 'no-win scenarios.'"

"Whether or not he believes in them, they do occur," Spock said. "If he does not realize this, he will never rise in the ranks of Starfleet."

Nyota snorted and closed her eyes. She sat there, leaning against him. They both slowly relaxed.

"Perhaps the reason you feel such animosity for the cadet is because you feel attraction for him," Spock said quietly, speaking the hypothesis that had been forming for several months.

Nyota stiffened and pulled away from him. "Spock!" she cried. "Jim Kirk? He's everything I _don't_ want!"

"Did you not tell me that you had felt that his nature was dominant?" Spock asked.

Nyota groaned and suddenly regretted telling her best friend that particular piece of information. "Yeah, he's a dominant," she finally told him. "But he isn't… mine. Physically he could be my mate, but there's no… connection. He seems sort of… familiar, but completely alien."

"You are not mentally compatible," Spock nodded, understanding. He felt the same each month when he went to the bars to keep his condition in control, though not with the feeling of familiarity.

"It's more than that," Nyota sighed, frustrated at her lack of words to explain the feeling. "I don't know! I haven't even had my first time yet," she said, blushing.

For being the best of friends they were very different. Spock, even though he had lived as a submissive for far longer than Nyota had, still felt shame and embarrassment for what he still called his condition. Nyota, on the other hand, looked forward to when she would have to submit herself to another.

"Spock," she said, her frustration having already gone, leaving her tired. "Do you think you'll ever find another?"

Spock stiffened minutely. It was minor enough that the woman that was starting to lean back against him again didn't feel it.

He had not told her, or anyone, the full story of Stonn and what he had done. He had never answered Nyota's questions about his former bondmate, besides stating that it was too painful to speak of. She rarely brought him up.

"I do not know," he answered her truthfully.

She pulled her legs up onto the couch and nestled closer to him.

"You're a good guy, Spock," she whispered. "You'll find love."

As the human beside him drifted off to sleep, Spock sincerely hoped that what she said would one day come true. Before he could tell himself otherwise, he put himself into a light meditative trance.

* * *

Spock watched the simulation from the observation room. Other instructors and cadets worked around him, running the various computers needed for the test.

Cadet Kirk was… different. He appeared as many Americans, blond and tanned. Yet his posture, demeanor, nearly _everything_ about the cadet would suggest that he was not in military training. He was absolutely nonchalant as the simulation was occurring around him in the captain's seat. He watched as the cadet took out an apple and began to _eat_ _it_ during his simulation.

Then the lights and computers malfunctioned, to everyone's surprise. They soon flickered back to life, but with some differences. The main two being that the Klingon warbirds weren't firing anymore and their shields were down.

Kirk ordered the ships fired upon and they were promptly destroyed, ending the simulation in its first ever pass.

Spock felt his irritation growing as one of the other instructors turned to him. "How the hell did that kid beat your test?" he asked.

Spock looked down, into the simulation room, before looking back up. "I do not know," he said. He looked back into the room to see Cadet Kirk slapping another male's shoulder. "Send me all data and records of the cadet's simulation."

* * *

Spock was not surprised, two days later, when the academy was called in front of the academy board. It was at his request.

"This session has been called to resolve a troubling matter," Admiral Barnett spoke to the whole room and then turned to one cadet. "James T. Kirk, please step forward."

"Cadet Kirk, evidence has been submitted to this council suggesting that you violated the ethical code of conduct pursuant to Regulation 17.43 of the Starfleet code," the admiral said as the cadet made his way to the podium facing the council. "Is there anything you care to say before we begin, sir?"

"Yes, I believe I have the right to face my accuser directly," Kirk said.

Admiral Barnett turned to Spock and nodded. Spock stood and straightened his uniform before walking down the steps and to his own podium. He was aware of Kirk watching his every move.

"Step forward, please," the admiral ordered. "This is Commander Spock. He is one of our most distinguished graduates. He's programmed the Kobayashi Maru exam for the last four years."

Kirk turned his head toward him and Spock was struck by how blue his eyes were. That was when he felt the very _aura_ that Kirk exuded. Spock now saw what Nyota meant. Cadet Kirk was, without a doubt, a dominant. Spock could feel parts of himself tingling, just by being so close to Kirk.

"Commander?" the admiral said.

Spock turned to the council. His reverie had only occurred within a few seconds and no one else had noticed. But he could swear that Kirk had somehow noticed. Spock fell back on everything he had learned on Vulcan as a child. Emotionalism had no place here. Logic and justice were all that mattered.

"Cadet Kirk, you somehow managed to install and activate a subroutine in the programming code, thereby changing the conditions of the test," Spock explained.

"Your point being?" Kirk asked. The irritation Spock had first felt at the conclusion of the Cadet's test made itself known once again.

"In academic vernacular, you cheated," Barnett told him. There was a murmur through the student body. No one wanted to be caught cheating; a violation of the ethical code could result in expulsion, derailing a cadet's career before it had a chance to start.

"Let me ask you something I think we all know the answer to," Kirk said, suppressing a snort. He turned to Spock, derailing the instructor's train of thought. "The test itself is a cheat, isn't it? I mean you programmed it to be unwinnable."

Spock turned away from the cadet to gather himself. "Your argument precludes the possibility of a no-win scenario-"

"I don't believe in no-win scenarios," Kirk interrupted.

"Then not only did you violate the rules, you also failed to understand the principal lesson," Spock cut him off before he could get further. He stared at the cadet's chin, avoiding his eyes that burned too brightly for him to look at.

"Please, enlighten me," Kirk said, acting as if he was humoring the professor who was a stickler for the rules.

"You of all people should know, Cadet Kirk, a captain cannot cheat death," Spock told him. There was another murmur through the crowd at his words and Kirk glanced behind him before looking at Spock again, pain apparent. He looked down at the podium, seeming to know what was coming.

"I of all people?"

"Your father, Lieutenant George Kirk, assumed command of his vessel before being killed in action, did he not?" Spock asked, making his point.

"I don't think you like the fact that I beat your test," Kirk said, becoming defensive, a common human trait when one becomes irritated.

"Further more," Spock continued, "you have failed to divine the purpose of the test."

"Enlighten me again," Kirk said, facing Spock with defiance.

"The purpose is to experience fear, fear in the face of certain death. To accept that fear and maintain control of oneself and one's crew. This is a quality expected in every Starfleet captain," Spock said, picking out the position that Kirk was training to one day assume.

The trial was interrupted by a man entering the room and delivering a padd to Admiral Barnett. Spock watched as he read the contents of the padd and looked up.

"We've received a distress call from Vulcan," he explained. Spock's heart began to pound against his ribs. "With our primary fleet engaged in the Laurentian system, I hereby order all cadets to report to Hangar One immediately. Dismissed."

Spock walked away, making himself focus on the duties he must attend to. He could not panic. He could not fear for his parents.

Spock had kept his promise to keep in touch with his mother. There was tension between him and his father, though. Sarek knew how his son would have to live without a bondmate. He did not approve of Spock's new life style. Neither would back down and let the other win the argument, despite his mother's attempts to soothe the rift between them. Even if there was anger between father and son, Spock still cared deeply for his parents. They were the only ones he missed from Vulcan.

He made his way, with the cadets and other instructors, to Hangar One, organizing the cadets into their groups to board the shuttle crafts that would take them to their posts.

"Commander, a word?" Nyota asked, sounding livid.

"Yes, Lieutenant?" Spock replied, not looking away from what was displayed on his padd and that of the computer that was in front of him.

"Was I not one of your top students?" Nyota asked, controlling her anger.

"Indeed, you were," Spock replied. He walked away to continue his duties. Nyota followed him.

"And did I not on multiple occasions demonstrate an exceptional aural sensitivity and, I quote, 'an unparalleled ability to identify sonic abnormalities' in subspace transmission tests?"

"Consistently, yes," Spock said, regretting paying the girl who had become nearly a figurative sibling to him so many compliments, even if they were founded. He came to a stop beside the shuttle that he was to board.

"And while you were well aware that my unqualified desire is to serve on the _U.S.S. Enterprise_ , I'm assigned to the _Farragut_?" she said, finally getting to her point.

"It was an attempt to," Spock lowered his voice as another instructor passed, "avoid the appearance of favoritism."

He had really assigned her to the _Farragut_ because it was a smaller craft. It would be easier for Nyota to rise through the ranks of the Communications personnel there, than it would be on that of the larger _Enterprise._

"No. I'm assigned to the _Enterprise_ ," Nyota ordered him.

Spock remembered a promise he had made a young woman a decade ago to help her at the academy. He had thought that the best way to do this would be to assign her to the _Farragut,_ but it appeared that she disagreed.

He accessed his padd and changed her post to that of the _Enterprise._

"Yes, I believe you are," Spock said, walking away to finish his duties.

"Thank you," Nyota said before walking away.

Later Spock buckled up before the shuttle lifted off the ground. He watched as the shuttle left the hanger and went up to space. Up to the _Enterprise_.

The ship would take him to Vulcan, where he hoped his parents were safe.


	6. Chapter Five: To the Soldier, the Civilian, the Martyr, the Victim

Her last words to him echoed still in his ears. _"It's okay. To be scared."_ And then she was gone.

"Acting Captain's Log, Stardate 2258.42," Spock spoke into the recorder. He attempted to keep all emotion from his voice with little victory. He could observe that all those on the bridge felt lost, as he did. But those people had only lost friends and fellow cadets. They did not know the billions of people who had perished on the planet. They did not see the planet they called home disintegrate before their eyes. They did not see the woman they called _mother_ fall to her death and be unable to save her.

"We have had no word from Captain Pike. I have therefore classified him as a hostage of the war criminal known as Nero. Nero, who has destroyed my home planet and most of its six billion inhabitants. While the essence of our culture has been saved in the elders who now reside upon this ship, I estimate no more than ten thousand have survived. I am now a member of an endangered species," he said and cut the record. He stood, fearing that if he stayed on the bridge his turbulent emotions would overcome him. He strode off the bridge and to the turbolift. Nyota followed him and the doors shut.

Nyota pressed the button to stop the lift and looked up at him. She could see the anguish he couldn't hide in his eyes.

"I'm sorry," she whispered, and put her arms around his neck, offering him the comfort she knew he needed. His troubled emotions passed through his skin into her. His shields were damaged. "I'm sorry." She kissed his cheek and felt his arms gingerly wrap around her. He pressed his face to her shoulder. "I'm so sorry. What do you need? Tell me."

If Spock accepted the comfort she offered, he would have to allow himself to cope with the emotions that were overwhelming him. He could not do it. He would break and be unfixable. They were still in a crisis. He was needed, in control of himself, on the bridge.

She felt him pull away, physically and emotionally. He restarted the lift.

"I need everyone to continue performing admirably," Spock said softly.

Nyota looked at him. Unlike the Vulcan, she couldn't hide the heartbreak she felt for him. "Okay," she nodded. She kissed his cheek again and stepped back before the doors slid open. He walked by her and she watched him go, fighting the tears she could feel building.

Spock's throat felt constricted. He appreciated Nyota's attempt to comfort him, but it hadn't helped. He had to meditate. Soon. There was no other option. Only a mate would be able to calm his chaotic emotions. But he would never allow himself to utilize that option.

* * *

Spock's emotions were still tumultuous when he returned to the bridge. He had to rely on his Vulcan training just to keep functioning.

"Have you confirmed that Nero is headed for Earth?" Spock asked as he paced on to the bridge.

"Their trajectory suggests no other destination, Captain," Nyota said, turning in her seat to face him.

"Thank you, Lieutenant," Spock said absently.

"Earth may be his next stop, but we have to assume every Federation planet's a target," Kirk spoke up and Spock noticed for the first time he was sitting in the Captain's seat.

"Out of the chair," he ordered and couldn't stop the satisfaction he felt when Kirk obeyed him.

"Well, if ze Federation is a target, vhy didn't zey destroy us?" the navigator, Pavel Chekov spoke up.

"Why would they? Why waste a weapon? We obviously weren't a threat," Sulu replied. Spock noted that, like Kirk, he still wore the injuries from their fight with the Romulans on the drill. Of course, medical bay was swarmed with patients at that moment and all minor injuries would have to wait for attention till those who needed major medical attention were seen to.

"That is not it. He said he wanted me to see something, the destruction of my home planet," there was no doubt in Spock's mind about this. It was one of the few factors that was clear.

"How the hell did they do that, by the way? I mean, where did the Romulans get that kind of weaponry?" McCoy wondered aloud. He had argued about attending the senior crew meeting. He said he was needed in medical bay, but he could possibly provide some insight.

"The engineering comprehension necessary to artificially create a black hole may suggest an answer," Spock answered his question. He turned from the view screen to face those on the bridge. "Such technology could theoretically be manipulated to create a tunnel through space-time."

"Damn it, man. I'm a doctor, not a physicist. Are you actually suggesting that they're from the future?" McCoy yelled.

"If you eliminate the impossible, whatever remains, however improbable, must be the truth," Spock said, quoting a popular terran author.

"How poetic," the doctor said, sarcasm evident.

"Then what would an angry future Romulan want with Captain Pike?" Kirk asked.

"As Captain, he does know details to Starfleet's defenses," Sulu suggested.

"What we need to do is catch up to that ship, disable it, take it over, and get Pike back," Kirk told them.

"We are technologically outmatched in every way," Spock disagreed. "A rescue attempt would be illogical."

"Nero's ship would have to drop out of warp for us to owertake them," Chekov added.

"Then what about assigning engineering crews to try and boost our warp yield?" Kirk proposed.

"Remaining power and crew are being used to repair radiation leaks on the lower decks…" Spock refuted him.

"Okay! All right!" Kirk interrupted him and walked around the stations.

"…And damage to subspace communications, without which we cannot contact Starfleet," Spock finished without pause.

"There's got to be some way," Kirk stopped in front of him.

"We must gather with the rest of Starfleet to balance the terms of the next engagement," Spock insisted.

"There won't be a next engagement. By the time we've gathered it'll be too late. But you say he's from the future, knows what's going to happen? Then the logical thing is to be unpredictable," Kirk suggested as if it was the most obvious choice of action.

"You're assuming that Nero knows how events are predicted to unfold," Spock replied. "The contrary, Nero's very presence has altered the flow of history, beginning with the attack on the U.S.S, Kelvin, culminating in the events of today thereby creating an entire new chain of incidents that cannot be anticipated by either party."

"An alternate reality," Nyota interpreted.

"Precisely," Spock agreed and began to walk back to the Captain's seat. "Whatever our lives might have been, if the time continuum was disrupted, our destinies have changed." He sat down. "Mr. Sulu, plot a course for the Laurentian System, warp factor three."

"Spock, don't do that," Kirk followed him. "Running back to the rest of the fleet for a—a confab is a massive waste of time."

"These are the orders issued by Captain Pike when he left the ship," Spock told him, patience growing thin.

"He also ordered us to go back and get him," Kirk was like one of those terran dogs that, once they got their jaws around something, they never let go. "Spock, you are Captain now. You have to make-"

"I am aware of my responsibilities, Mr. Kirk," Spock interrupted.

"Every second we waste, Nero's getting closer to his next target," Kirk argued.

"That is correct, and why I'm instructing you to accept the fact that I alone am in command," Spock told him.

"I will not allow us to go backwards away from the problem-" Jim yelled.

"Jim, he's the Captain," Doctor McCoy attempted to dissuade his friend.

"-Instead of hunting Nero down."

Spock finally lost his patience with the illogical human who was trying to undermine his authority. Even if he was a nepik, he was Vulcan and he could command a ship in crisis. He stood, facing the cadet. "Security, escort him out."

Two officers took Kirk's arms and began leading him off the bridge as Spock sat down. Kirk fought off the officers and others who attempted to control him. Spock swiftly stood and stepped behind him, before pinching the nerve group next to his neck, effectively knocking the human unconscious.

"Get him off this ship," Spock nearly growled.


	7. Chapter Six: The Moment to Fight

"Father," Spock said as he walked away from Doctor McCoy. The older Vulcan turned towards him. "You wished to speak with me?"

"Yes," Sarek replied and they distanced themselves from the rest of the crew on the bridge. "How is your control?"

"I am functioning well," Spock answered him. He felt a twinge of guilt for deceiving his father on such an important matter, but no one, including his father, could know that he was slipping.

"Many of the Vulcans on board are experiencing difficulty," Sarek informed him. "It would be understandable if you were as well."

"Father, I am well," Spock repeated. "But when we have rejoined with the rest of Starfleet, I will be turning over command to a… more capable officer to avoid any complications."

Sarek turned to his son in undisguised surprise. He said nothing.

"Captain Spock! Detecting unauthorized access to Water Turbine Control Board," Chekov called from his station.

Spock stepped away from his father and next to the ensign. "Bring up the video," he ordered. When the ensign did as he was told he saw Kirk and another man run off screen. He felt surprise and irritation that the cadet had somehow managed to outwit him once again. "Security, seal the Engineering Deck. We have intruders in Turbine Section Three. Set phasers to stun."

A few minutes later two security officers escorted Kirk and the man who had been with him onto the bridge. The mystery man was soaked. Spock walked over to them.

"Who are you?"

"I'm with him," the man said.

"He's with me," Kirk answered as well. Spock looked at him and couldn't miss his glare. Spock suppressed the urge to recoil. It was the same glare Stonn had looked at him with before he would inflict bodily harm.

"We are traveling at warp speed. How did you manage to beam aboard this ship?" Spock ground out. The needs of the many outweighed those of the few. The ship came before his discomfort.

"Well, you're the genius, you figure it out," Kirk replied.

"As Acting Captain of this vessel, I order you to answer the question," Spock said, feeling the now-familiar sensation of losing his patience with the obstinate cadet.

"Well, I'm not telling, Acting Captain," Kirk said, his expression defiant. His eyes seemed to glow when he saw Spock's jaw clench. "What did…? That doesn't frustrate you, now does it? My lack of cooperation? That doesn't make you angry?"

Spock turned to the Scottish man beside Kirk. "Are you a member of Starfleet?"

"I…Yes. Can I get a towel, please?" the man asked.

"Under penalty of court martial, I order you to explain to me how you were able to beam aboard this ship while moving at warp."

"Well-" the man started.

"Don't answer him," Kirk interrupted.

"You will answer me," Spock ordered.

The man looked between the two opposing men telling him what to do. "I'd rather not take sides."

Kirk pushed past him and closer to Spock. "What is it with you Spock? Your planet was just destroyed, your mother murdered, and you're not even upset."

"If you are presuming that these experiences in any way impede my ability to command this ship, you are mistaken," Spock lied. He would not show weakness to this… shark.

"Yet you are the one who said fear was necessary for command. I mean did you see his ship? Did you see what he did?" Kirk questioned. His words were under toned by every word Stonn had spoken to Spock when they were in private.

"Yes, of course I did," Spock forced out, jaw clenched. He needed to stay in control.

"So are you afraid or aren't you?" Kirk demanded.

"I will not allow you to lecture me about the merits of emotion," Spock hedged, weakening.

"Then why don't you stop me?" Kirk asked.

"Step away from me, Mr. Kirk," Spock growled, feeling his control near its breaking point.

"You know, what is it like not to feel anger? Or heartbreak? Or the need to stop at nothing to avenge the death of the woman who gave birth to you?" Kirk tried a different tactic. A more harmful one. Stonn's words were rising in volume.

"Back away from me."

"You feel nothing!"

" _You are worthless."_

"It must not even compute for you!"

" _You will never compare to full-blooded Vulcans."_

"You never loved her!"

Spock roared as he swung his fist at Kirk. His world faded to black as he felt adrenaline coursing through his body. He wanted Kirk to regret every word he had said. Every word Stonn had said.

"Spock!"

He came back when he heard his father. His hand was around Kirk's throat as the cadet attempted to gasp for air. Air that Spock's hand was blocking from getting past his throat. Emotions slammed through Spock's shields, shattering the already cracked barriers.

Anger. Guilt. Acceptance. Fear. So many other emotions that Spock did not have the time or presence of mind to identify. He looked down into the cadet's eyes as they stared up at him and felt himself drawn even further in.

_I'm sorry._

Spock broke the contact with an inaudible gasp, tearing his hand from the cadet's throat. Kirk began to cough and gasp. Spock staggered away.

How? How had it escaped his notice?

Spock stared at the cadet before turning away.

"Doctor, I am no longer fit for duty. I hereby relinquish my command, based on the fact that I have been emotionally compromised. Please note the time and date in the ships log," Spock uttered out before staggering off the bridge.

James Kirk. The insufferable cadet who could force him to show emotion. That was _his abrupik_. His dominant. Spock had once again drawn an unacceptable mate. Stonn had nearly destroyed him. There was no doubt in Spock's mind that this cadet, who hated him as well, would shatter him with no hope of repair.

"Attention, crew of the Enterprise. This is James Kirk. Mr. Spock has resigned commission and advanced me to acting captain. I know you were all expecting to regroup with the fleet, but I'm ordering a pursuit course of the enemy ship to Earth. I want all departments at battle stations and ready in ten minutes. Either we're going down or they are. Kirk out."

Spock made his way through the ship as Kirk's announcement rang through the halls. He clenched his jaw to hold back the tears that threatened to fall.

He found himself drawn to the transporter room. He stared at the spot his mother should have returned with him to. No one could see the tears that slid down his face.

"Speak your mind, Spock," Sarek said quietly as he entered the room.

"That would be unwise," Spock whispered.

"What is necessary is never unwise," Sarek replied.

"I am as conflicted as I once was as a child," Spock admitted.

"You will always be a child of two worlds. I am grateful for this. And for you," Sarek told him.

Spock turned to face him, not hiding his tears. "I feel anger for the one who took Mother's life. An anger I cannot control."

"I believe that she would say, 'do not try to,'" Sarek told him. He stepped up beside him. "You asked me once why I married your mother. I married her because I loved her."

Spock reeled. Sarek had once told him that he had entered his time while he was on Earth and Spock's mother was the only _nepik_ near enough that could quench the flames. Spock had thought their bonding had been only for convenience.

"Spock, Kirk… is not Stonn," Sarek told him. Spock's head swung up to stare at him. "I saw your connection on the bridge. Only your true mate could engender such emotions."

"I cannot trust Kirk," Spock replied.

"Stonn is gone. After you fled Vulcan, Stonn was convicted of his crimes. He spent the rest of his days in a mental prison, telepathy stripped from him. Till today's events,"Sarek said. He did not need to say that Stonn had been on Vulcan when it had been destroyed. "We were wrong to bond you with Stonn. He was not your intended. You must accept that you need your mate. Kirk… he's your _abrupik._ "

* * *

Spock stepped onto the bridge, control once again in place, in time to hear Ensign Chekov's idea and Doctor McCoy question him.

"Doctor. Mr. Chekov is correct. I can confirm his telemetry," the group of officers turned to him. He joined them. "If Mr. Sulu is able to maneuver us into position, I can beam aboard Nero's ship, steal back the black hole device and, if possible, bring back Captain Pike."

"I won't allow you to do that, Mr. Spock," Kirk disagreed.

"Romulans and Vulcans share a common ancestry. Our cultural similarities will make it easier for me to access the ship's computer and locate the device," Spock argued. "Also, my mother was human, which makes Earth the only home I have left."

"Then I'm coming with you," Kirk replied.

"I would cite regulation, but I know you will simply ignore it," Spock said.

"See? We are getting to know each other," Kirk smiled, before lightly slapping his shoulder as he walked by.

* * *

" _Ambassador Spock, you are on a collision course. Incoming missiles. If the ship is hit, the red matter will be ignited,"_ the computer told him.

Spock stared at the approaching missiles. "Understood."

The _Enterprise_ swooped out of warp and destroyed the missiles. Spock kept on course, flying towards the _Narada_.

It was in that moment that Spock felt peace for the first time in his life. He was about to die. He would be with his mother and his child that had died so many years ago. He would never have to worry about his condition ever again. He would never have to fear having a mate or going through pon farr without one. He was free.

As he flew the ship, he did not notice the swirling light of a transporter till he was on board the _Enterprise._ He turned to see Kirk and Captain Pike. He buried his feelings of disappointment. It was illogical to feel anything but relieved at having not perished.

"Nice timing, Scotty," Kirk grinned as he began to help Pike off the pad.

"I've never beamed three people from two targets onto one pad before," Scotty laughed.

"Jim," Doctor McCoy called as he ran up to his friend, taking the Captain's other side.

"Bones," Jim replied.

"I got him," McCoy said and Kirk let go and walked out of the transporter room. Spock followed him to the bridge.

"Captain, the enemy ship is losing power! Their shields are down, sir," Chekov reported when they reached the bridge.

"Hail them now," Kirk ordered.

"Aye," Chekov said as he turned to his task.

They soon saw Nero's face on the view screen.

"This is Captain James T. Kirk of the _U.S.S. Enterprise_. Your ship is compromised. Too close to the singularity to survive without assistance, which we are willing to provide," Kirk spoke with authority.

"Captain, what are you doing?" Spock turned so that the Romulan couldn't see him speaking.

"Showing them compassion may be the only way to earn peace with Romulus. It's logic, Spock. I thought you'd like it," Kirk whispered back.

"No, not really. Not this time," Spock said. He really wanted to tell the other man 'To hell with logic.'

"I would rather suffer the end of Romulus a thousand times. I would rather die in agony than accept assistance from you," Nero interrupted them.

"You got it. Arm phasers. Fire everything we've got," Kirk ordered. When he turned from the screen, Spock could see pleasure on the Captain's face at being able to issue that order. Spock felt no small amount of gladness as well.

"Yes, sir," Sulu agreed and began locking targets.

Spock returned to his station, but turned to watch Nero's ship be destroyed before each piece of it was swallowed by the black hole.

"Sulu, let's go home," Kirk told the Lieutenant.

"Yes, sir," he answered.

* * *

Leonard McCoy rubbed his eyes. The injured members of the crew were finally stabilized. He had rested for a few hours before returning to his office. He still had more duties to attend to.

Several, if not all, members of the crew were at risk of breaking down from witnessing the events of the past few days. All of the crew who had been on the bridge were a part of that group. Leonard was reviewing their medical records for anything he would need to know about if anyone had a meltdown.

Truly, the people on the ship he was worried the most about were the Vulcans. Their reluctance to speak of their emotions to any of the medical staff trained in psychology combined with the stress of losing their planet and many of the bonds they had had with those who had perished on Vulcan would have a very large, very negative impact on them. He was just waiting for the first to break and not looking forward to it.

He was interrupted by a knock on his door.

"Come in," he called and Lieutenant Uhura stepped in.

"Doctor McCoy," she said.

"How can I help you?"

"I…I'm not feeling well," she replied.

Leonard stood and took a medical tricorder from his desk as he walked around it to her. He started scanning. "What are your symptoms?"

She shut her eyes and whimpered. He looked down at the face of the scanner and clenched his jaw to keep from cursing. Her hormone levels were completely wrong.

"Do you have any idea what could be wrong?" he asked, trying to hide his worry. He didn't want her to panic.

"I think so," she gasped. "I… I'm a submissive."

Leonard's hands stilled and his mind nearly shut down before retrieving the needed information.

He had learned about submissives and dominants in both medical school and Starfleet. It was a genetic variation that appeared in many species throughout the universe. It pointed to them all having a common ancestry.

Submissives, when their nature emerged (much like a second puberty), sought out a dominant, most often one whom they already had a connection with.

"Uhura," he said slowly. "Aren't you with Spock?"

She shook her head and stepped closer to him.

"Uhura—"

"It's Nyota," she corrected.

"Nyota," he amended, "we're in my office, where anyone can come in. Not to mention, you don't really know me well."

"Doctor, I've felt a connection with you since the day we were on the shuttle together to come to the academy," she said.

"Nyota," he sighed.

"Please," she interrupted him. She looked up at him with dilated eyes. He could practically feel the need radiating off of her.

"I don't want to take advantage of you," he whispered.

"You're not," she told him and stood on her toes so that her lips could reach his.

Leonard remembered kissing his ex-wife before things had gone south in a hand basket between them. It was nothing like this. This was like fire, burning them both, but the flames didn't injure them.

They pulled back, flushed.

"Let's go to my quarters," he whispered. "I'm off duty anyways. And Nyota?" he made sure she was listening. "Call me Leonard."

He pulled her, even though she wasn't resisting, out of his office and sickbay. They reached his quarters quickly as they were not far. As soon as the door was shut behind them, he was kissing her again. He pulled the tie from her hair and it fell around her shoulders. He threaded a hand through the strands with a sigh into her lips. She hung on to his shirt with both hands.

He broke their kiss and kissed his way to her ear. "You're beautiful," he whispered and felt her shiver. He closed his lips just over the area under her ear and sucked. She moaned and pushed herself closer to him.

"Leonard," she whimpered. "Please. Don't tease me."

"As you wish, princess," he whispered into her ear and pulled away. He took her hands and led her across the room and into the sleeping area. He turned and pushed her down onto the bed. He settled above her, bearing most of his weight on his elbows placed on either side of her head so that he would not crush her. He kissed her again.

When he had studied submissives in his classes, he had been told that their bodies became incredibly sensitive, but he had not realized exactly how sensitive they really were. His every touch, breath, or whisper made her sigh. He loved how responsive she was.

Leonard sat up and she helped him pull off her uniform. She wore a plain, white bra and underwear to match. The white against her dark, silky skin was gorgeous. He stroked her side and whispered just how beautiful she was into her ear.

He suddenly felt her hands pull his shirt up and he leaned back and stripped it quickly before throwing it to the floor where it joined her dress.

Nyota wrapped her legs around his still-clothed thighs and his cock was pressed to her stomach.

"Nyota," he groaned as he unhooked her bra. He threw it to the floor before he leant down and caught a rigid nipple in his mouth and teased it with his tongue before sucking. She moaned, arching into his touch. He switched and gave her other nipple the same treatment.

"Leonard," she gasped. "I-I-"

"I know, princess," he rasped into her clavicle. He felt her shudder beneath him as she had her first orgasm of the night. He looked down at her flushed face and leaned forward and kissing her softly. "So beautiful."

Her hands tugged his belt loose and Nyota tossed it to the floor before they both made short work of his pants. She pushed both the pants and his boxer briefs down. He quickly pulled them the rest of the way off, along with his socks. He settled back over her and felt her hand touch his member. Her hand was almost tentative as it stroked up towards the head. He groaned, showing his appreciation.

"Nyota," he gasped. "Are you sure about this?"

His answer was her taking her panties off and pulling him down on top of her. Her body was warm and soft and he whispered his amazement to her as his hands explored her body.

His hands finally came to rest on her hips and he kissed her one last time before moving himself to her entrance.

"Leonard," she whispered. He looked down at her blushing face. "I…I'm a virgin."

He stilled completely and stared at her as her face heated even more and she shut her eyes. "You're a…virgin?"

She nodded, eyes still closed.

He kissed her until she finally relaxed underneath him and opened her eyes.

"Thank you," he whispered. "Are you completely sure you want me to-"

"Leonard, it's been you for years," she whispered.

He nodded and cleared his throat. "I'll try to be gentle."

He repositioned himself and watched her as he slowly pushed in. He knew he would have to break her hymen, even though it would hurt her. He came to the barrier and paused before pushing through. She gasped and quickly covered her mouth,

"I'm sorry," he whispered, kissing her arms, hands, neck and face. He tried to keep still. "I'm so sorry."

She finally uncovered her mouth, eyes wet. "It's okay," she said. "It had to happen. Leonard…"

He nodded and slowly pulled out before pushing back in just as slowly. "Does it still hurt?"

"Not as much," Nyota whispered. "It's dulling. Keep moving."

"As you wish, princess," Leonard said, complying. At her urging their pace soon sped up until he was thrusting in and out of her rapidly.

He held her close as she trembled from her second climax. Her walls tightened around him and held still till he was sure he wouldn't explode. He kissed her throat, cheeks, nose, and lips as she came back down.

Nyota wrapped her legs even tighter around his waist, causing his thrusts to push deeper in her. She gasped and trembled beneath him.

"Leonard," she sighed and moaned.

He rocked into her, watching every change in her expression, committing each to memory, never to be forgotten.

She tightened her walls around him one more and Leonard lost it. He thrust deep inside her one last time as she climaxed and he spent himself within her.

He lay beside her as they caught their breath. She turned her head to him. He leaned forward and kissed her softly.

"So you were never with Spock?" he asked.

She shook her head. "He's been my friend forever. And he's like me."

"He's a submissive?" Leonard asked, confused. He had learned in his classes that most often male Vulcans were dominants.

"Yeah," Nyota yawned and cuddled closer to him, throwing a slender leg over his hip.

"At least you're mine," Leonard whispered and kissed her cheek before pulling the blanket over them both. "Go to sleep. I'll be here."

She was already falling asleep in his arms. "'Night, Leonard. I love you." And she fell asleep.

He stared at her. In the years since his divorce, he had always ran when a girl told him she loved him. But now? He didn't want to run. Not from Nyota.

"I think I love you, too," he whispered before joining her in sleep.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I forgot to mention that Amanda's last words to Spock were from the IMSDB. And "To hell with logic" is from the novel written for the movie. It's a shame the first one wasn't in the movie and the second one made me laugh when I saw it in the book. I kinda wish both were in the movie!


	8. Chapter Seven: I Believe in Nothing

"Bones, wait up!"

Spock looked up from packing his materials from his last class when he heard the shout, heart beating. He had managed to avoid James Kirk since the _Enterprise_ had returned to Earth, two weeks ago. He wanted to continue to do so.

Without the warp core, the trip back to Earth had taken three weeks. Kirk had served as acting captain during the voyage, although he had tried to return command to Spock. That conversation, for lack of a better term, had been _awkward._ Spock had still been reeling from the impact of the battles with Nero and the memory of all that had happened in the past. He knew it was for the best that the younger man remain as acting captain. During the entire journey Spock had seen Kirk a total of seven times. The Vulcan couldn't deny that he had not tried to avoid the blond man when at all possible.

Spock watched Kirk walk by the door without looking in and let out a breath of relief. He closed his bag and pulled the strap over his shoulder and left the lecture hall. He walked through the sea of cadets back to his office.

All the cadets who had served on the _Enterprise_ had returned to Earth and were finishing their last classes before they would graduate and be posted throughout the Federation. It was happening at a remarkably swift pace. The semester would be over in another two weeks and, a week after that, the last of that year's graduates would leave the academy on the newest flagship.

It would be, at most, three weeks before Spock would be rid of James Kirk for many years. And the emotions that merely seeing, or hearing, the man made Spock feel.

He closed the door of his office behind him and sat down. He leaned his head back on his chair and closed tired eyes.

He was interrupted by a sharp rap at his door.

"Come in," he called and straightened in his seat.

The door opened to reveal his father. Sarek sat in the chair across from him, the desk between them.

It was a testament of how taxing the past few weeks had been that Spock indulged his human half by feeling amusement at the switch in their usual roles.

"Spock, I bring important news," Sarek began.

"Yes, father?"

Sarek looked down at the desk, uncharacteristic for the man. "Those of the surviving council have issued a directive."

Spock felt a bubble of worry.

"All surviving Vulcans, who are not already a part of one, must enter into a bond."

Spock wondered how he was suddenly standing.

"Our people are dying from all the bonds that were abruptly, and simultaneously, destroyed. It is making their mental states unstable and they are destroying themselves, trying to end their pain," Sarek informed him. "Spock, I do not want that fate for you. Surely there must be someone who you trust that you can bond with."

"There is no one," Spock said coldly. "I have been unaffected since that day."

Sarek looked up, concern showing on his face, oddly. "Spock, please—"

Spock didn't allow his father to continue as he walked out of his office and left the building. He walked the campus with no particular destination. He soon came to regret his rash actions during his conversation with his father. He was the only immediate family that he had left. He did not want to alienate him.

That regret was what made him call out to the older Vulcan Spock saw when he found himself in one of the shuttle hangars.

Spock was surprised when the older Vulcan turned and it was not Sarek. In fact, that was not the only reason that shook Spock. The resemblance between him and Spock was uncanny. It was as if the Vulcan was Spock, but several decades older.

"I am not our father," the Vulcan said. Spock blinked. It appeared that he had stumbled upon the truth. "There are so few Vulcans left. We cannot afford to ignore each other."

Spock's mind ran through the events of the past several weeks. It occurred to him that Kirk would have needed help beaming to the _Enterprise_ while it was in warp. That knowledge undoubtedly would have to come from the future as it had not been discovered yet. "Then why did you send Kirk aboard, when you alone could have explained the truth?"

"Because you needed each other," the older man replied, eyes twinkling in a way that most Vulcan's would have not. "I could not deprive you of the revelation of all that you could accomplish together, of a friendship that will define you both in ways you cannot yet realize."

"How did you persuade him to keep your secret?" the younger Spock asked, dubious of Kirk.

The Vulcan's lips quirked up. "He inferred that universe-ending paradoxes would ensue should he break his promise."

"You lied," Spock interpreted.

"I…I implied," the elder amended.

"A gamble," Spock remarked, wondering how his older self could trust Kirk that much.

"An act of faith. One I hope that you'll repeat in the future in both Starfleet and your life," the Vulcan said, lips still placed in a small smile.

"I cannot trust myself around James Kirk. My condition," Spock forced himself not to flush, "reacts strongly near him."

"By condition, I believe you mean your being submissive?"

Spock looked away but nodded.

"Why do you not act upon it?"

Spock's head jerked up, astonished, ears turning green. "I do not know Kirk! The little we have been around each other has shown that our personalities are not-"

"Spock," the man admonished. "You cannot lie to yourself."

Spock shut his mouth and spoke several minutes later, voice quiet.

"I do not want another mate."

The elder's face furrowed in confusion. "At your age you must have a mate in order to survive."

"I have lived several years without one," Spock replied.

"Did something happen to T'Pring in this time line?"

Spock couldn't hide his confusion. "T'Pring?" He faintly remembered a young girl by that name from when he was a child.

"Your betrothed?"

Spock shook his head. "I was never betrothed to T'Pring. I had a bond with Stonn, another male near my age."

The older Vulcan's face hardened. "Stonn? Nothing good could come of that."

"Your deduction is correct."

The elder's face changed again. This time to understanding. "You are afraid."

Spock didn't deny the assumption. The elder Spock placed a hand on his shoulder.

"I grieve with thee," he said. "But you cannot allow the past to dictate your actions."

He dropped his hand from his younger self's shoulder. "Put aside logic and fear. Do what feels right." He began to walk away, but turned back and raised his hand in the ta'al. "Since my customary farewell would appear oddly self-serving, I shall simply say, Good luck!"

* * *

Spock stood in front of the board of admirals, much like he had when he had first met James Kirk. This time the board and he were the only ones present in the hall. This was not a matter to be discussed in front of the Academy,

"Commander Spock, although we grieve with thee for the loss of your planet and many of your people, it has come to our attention that you are losing control over yourself. The events on the bridge during the battle with Nero illustrated this. Do you have anything to say to give light to this situation?" Admiral Barnett asked.

Spock swallowed. "No, Admiral."

"The Vulcan counsel has informed us that this matter may be rectified if you take a mate," Admiral Komack informed him. "Have arrangements for this been made?"

"No, Admiral," Spock replied.

Barnett sighed. He genuinely liked the Vulcan. "Then we have no choice. Until a solution can be found, you are grounded. You may still instruct classes, but you will have another member of the staff attend to ensure that you remain in control."

"Thank you, Admirals," Spock told them. Although he did not like the decision, and knew his career was falling apart before his eyes, he could not fault the actions of command or the Vulcan counsel.

They dismissed and he walked away from the hall, planning on returning to his apartment. As his mind was swallowed in darkness, he nearly did not notice the sting of a hypospray as it sent the sedative through his bloodstream.

* * *

When Spock came to he did not know how much time had passed. He slowly came to awareness. His arms were tied together in front of him, as were his ankles. The room he was in had no windows and the only door had no knob. There was no way for him to leave.

Spock tried to break his wrists apart, but he must have been weaker than he had thought. The ropes did not break. He lay on the cot he was on, helpless.

The door slid open and a man stepped into the room. Spock stared at the man's boots, not wanting to see the face of his kidnapper yet.

"I see you are finally awake," the man observed. Spock's eyes jumped to the man's face. He was Admiral Whibley. "I'm afraid I might have used too much of that sedative. You've been unconscious for three days."

The admiral stepped closer and touched a hand to Spock's cheek. The Vulcan's stomach nearly revolted from the sick emotions that passed between them.

"One of the best experiences I ever had had been with a submissive Orion. For years, I thought I would never have another to rival that," his eyes shown with lust. "And then I learned that you were submissive."

"You will be mine," the man said. Spock squeezed his eyes shut as the man's hand slid from his face down his neck to his bare chest. "If I have to, you will remain here until you have no choice but to submit."

Whibley walked out of the room without another word. Spock gasped as he tried to regain some semblance of control. He dove into a trance without a second thought.

It was then that Spock discovered what he should have realized weeks ago. He could not believe that it had escaped his notice for so long.

It was nearing that time again.

It should not have been. His last time had been nearly two weeks before Nero had destroyed Vulcan. It had been less than two months. It should have been three more months before he had to take care of his condition.

He estimated he had, at most, three days left before he entered the coma. He would not have to worry about Whibley for long.

* * *

Two days passed slowly. Spock spent the majority of that time in meditation. Whibley visited once a day to hear if he had agreed to the situation yet and to give him a small amount of sustenance.

Spock awoke the third day and could feel his body functions slowing. When he moved his head the world swam around him. Spock felt a moment of satisfaction. Little could save him now.

Spock did not notice that the door had opened until his face was struck. He looked up and saw Whibley, face red with rage.

"Damn you!" the man cursed. "I should have known you would need to be forced."

He ripped Spock's pants open as he opened his own. He pulled both down and pinned Spock face-first to the wall.

Whibley's hands stilled when they both heard a click.

"In case you're not familiar with antique guns, that means that all I have to do is pull the trigger and you'll die," a voice growled behind them. "Painfully."

Spock dropped back down to the bed when the admiral's hands left him. When the world stopped spinning, he looked down to see Whibley passed out beside him. He looked up to see Doctor McCoy above him, scanning the Vulcan with an empty hypo in his hands.

James Kirk stood behind him, glaring down at Whibley. He was the one holding the gun.

"Alright, we can move him," the doctor told him as he put his tricorder back in its case. James handed him the gun and knocked Whibley off the bed before putting his arms under both Spock's shoulders and knees.

"Up you go," the human muttered as he lifted Spock up. He hung limp in the man's arms. Spock looked up and thought of how beautiful those blue eyes were before his head fell and he passed out.

* * *

Jim cursed as he felt Spock sag in his arms.

"Spock's out," he told Bones as they carefully made their way through the admiral's house. Bones walked in front of Jim, gun hidden, but ready if they needed it.

"I had a feeling that might happen," Bones muttered, looking outside before he stepped out. "Whibley barely fed him enough. Not to mention that cocktail of a sedative he used is still running through his body."

"Is he going to be okay?" Jim asked, distractedly wondering why he was worried about the man who had tried to end his career. He brushed those thoughts away as they reached the car Pike had let them to borrow from the academy.

"I think so," Bones replied as he helped Jim carefully place Spock in the backseat. The doctor sat down beside him and started undoing the ropes binding Spock as Jim shut the door and ran around to the driver's seat. He started the car and drove away.

"Bastard," Leonard muttered as he pulled at one of the ropes.

"What's wrong?" Jim asked as he drove towards the academy. He took out his phone and quickly dialed Pike's number.

"The ropes have metal cores. No wonder Spock couldn't get free," the doctor told him as he finally got Spock's arms free. He moved so he could loosen the ropes binding his ankles.

"Jim?" Pike answered, weary voice filled with anxiety. "Have you found him?"

"He was at Admiral Whibley's," Jim told him, glancing into the rearview mirror at the doctor and Vulcan. "We have him now. We're taking him to our apartment."

"Thank you, Jim," the new Admiral said, relieved. "I'll tell the admirals and we'll send someone to pick up Whibley. He's not going to get out of this."

"Can you call Cadet Uhura?" Jim asked. "She'll want to know he's safe."

"I will," Pike said before hanging up.

"Why are we taking him to our apartment?" Bones asked from the backseat.

"If Whibley had anyone helping him, they would know where Spock lived. With Whibley in custody, his reputation is in danger. He would want the problem taken care of," Jim answered. "We can keep a better eye on him, and anyone else, at our place."

"Okay," Leonard agreed as he pulled the last knot loose. He sat back and took out his tricorder again.

Chris Pike had called Jim three days before asking for his help searching for the missing commander. There were places the official searchers could not go, including Whibley's. Pike had given that list of places to Jim, knowing the former repeat offender would have no problem getting into those places. Whibley's had been the eighth place he had searched. He had called Leonard to join him when he had found the small room. Unfortunately, it had been almost too late to stop the admiral from raping the Vulcan.

"Hey, Jim?" Leonard asked from the backseat. He looked in the mirror before looking back in front of the car again. "Do I want to know where you got that gun?"

Jim grinned. "It's from one of my dad's brothers. It was a gift for entering the academy. He never thought I would actually use it."

"Why did you use it, by the way?"

Jim turned onto academy grounds. "There was no way I could get a phaser without a good reason. Telling them that I may have to use it to threaten an admiral wouldn't go over well."

"Thank you for not trying," Bones replied. "I don't want to have to bail you out again."

Jim stopped the car in the parking lot beside the apartment building and got out. Leonard opened the door and together they managed to maneuver Spock out of the car. They started walking up to their apartment, Spock once again in Jim's arms.

"You only bailed me out that one time a couple weeks into our first year," Jim protested.

"Once was more than enough," Leonard muttered.

They lay Spock down in Jim's bed and covered him with the blankets. He was still unconscious.

"He's got a heck of a fever," Leonard muttered.

"He felt normal to me," Jim told him.

"He's Vulcan, Jim," Bones told him slowly. Jim was reminded of how the teachers had used to talk to him when they thought he wouldn't be able to understand them. He had blown those teachers away. "His body temperature is colder than ours."

"Oh," was all that Jim could say. This time someone else blew him away. What a change.

"I'll keep an eye on him," Leonard told him. "You go get some rest. You've been searching and going to class non-stop since Pike called."

Jim shrugged but did as he was ordered. "Night, Bones."

"Good night, kid," the doctor quietly called after him. He sat down in a chair beside the bed after giving the Vulcan a few hypos.

He hadn't expected for Spock's vitals to be so erratic. They should settle down now that he was safe.

Leonard picked up a padd to pass the time. He cursed when he found a porn magazine.

"Damn kid!"


	9. Chapter Eight: Towards the Sun

"FUCK!"

Jim jerked awake and was on his feet and out the door in seconds. He slammed into a wall and fell to the floor.

"Shit, Bones," he muttered and stood up. He walked into his room fingering his nose. He didn't think it was broken.

Leonard was standing over Spock, who was still unconscious. The doctor was scanning him, curses pouring out of his mouth.

"Bones, what's up?" Jim asked.

"I should have realized sooner," he muttered and looked back at Jim. "Jim, he's dying."

"What?" Jim gasped, suddenly awake. He looked down at Spock. The Vulcan was paler than he had ever seen him.

"He's a submissive," Bones explained. "When submissives go for too long without being dominated they enter a coma and die."

"He's dying because he hasn't had sex in a while?" Jim clarified. Leonard nodded. Jim began to take off his shirt, but paused at the doctor's outraged squawk.

"What the hell are you doing?"

"I'm not going to let him die, Bones," he said and threw his shirt in the corner and began to undo his belt. "You better leave if you don't want to see my ass."

"Jim," Bones sighed. "It's too late. When a submissive enters into a coma… Only a bonding would save him."

"Bonding?" Jim asked, hands still poised over his belt.

"The Vulcan version of marriage," Leonard explained. "They tie their minds together and it grounds them both."

They watched the Vulcan struggle to breath.

"Is there nothing we can do?" Jim whispered.

"We can keep him comfortable, but there isn't anything else," Bones said, clasping a hand to his friend's shoulder.

"Isn't this kinda sudden?" Jim asked, distracted. "I mean, he was still awake just yesterday."

"Shit, Jim," Bones sighed. "I think… I think that the stress from having Vulcan destroyed, his mother killed, and now Whibley trying to rape him made his condition progress rapidly. He's in the coma. I doubt he even has two days left. I'm sorry."

Jim nodded jerkily, unable to speak. He couldn't understand how the Vulcan affected him like this. He'd just met him!

"I need to go tell Nyota. She may want to say goodbye," the doctor told him. "And I'll call his father."

"Alright," Jim nodded.

Bones left the room and Jim sank into the chair the doctor had spent the night in. He brushed the Vulcan's bangs from his face. His skin was now hotter than a human's.

"Why Spock?" he whispered. The Vulcan didn't answer, not that he had been looking for him to.

Jim cradled his head in his hands. He didn't want the man in his bed to die. The older Spock had showed him a possible future where they were the best of friends. And, if Jim guessed right, more. He wanted that future. No. He needed it. He needed to feel like he _belonged_. He knew that he could get that nowhere else.

Spock irritated the hell out of him. He acted like he had a stick up his ass and had never once relaxed by what Jim had seen. But he was intelligent and just as stubborn as Jim was. They were, without a doubt, an _awesome_ team. What was more, he _understood._ He wouldn't have to explain to Spock some of the things that even Leonard couldn't understand.

His head jerked up and smacked against the wall. "Shit!" he cursed, rubbing his head. He had never expected this to happen. To think that he would fall in love with someone that couldn't stand him!

When the pain finally dulled, Jim looked closer at the Vulcan and nearly choked on his own spit.

A decade ago, Jim had been in San Francisco for his birthday and had gone to a bar with his fake ID. There, he had bumped into a cadet. A Vulcan cadet, who was the hottest one there that night. Jim had gone home alone, unable to stop thinking of him. He had pushed the memory away as he got older and had more bed partners who could never compare to how sexy the cadet had been without trying.

"I'm not going to let you die, Spock," Jim said, determined. He called the Vulcan embassy asking for one named Selek. It was the name the older Vulcan had said he would go by.

"Jim?" the elder asked as he came on the line. "You asked for me?"

"I need you to come down to my apartment right now," Jim told him and rattled off the address.

"Is something wrong, Jim?" he asked.

"Hopefully not for much longer," Jim replied and the call was disconnected.

Jim bit his lip as he waited. He wasn't able to sit still and alternated between pacing in the room and checking on if Selek had arrived yet. He kept glancing at Spock, terrified that he would look over to see that chest still and that pale skin turn whiter in death.

"Please let this work," Jim whispered to anyone who was listening as he saw Selek step out of a hovercar below them. He left the window and waited outside the door. Selek soon stepped off the lift and met Jim in front of the door.

"Jim, what is wrong?" he asked, puzzled.

"Selek, I need you to do something for me," Jim said. "It's urgent."

"Anything," the old Vulcan said without hesitation.

"I need you to bond the younger you and me," Jim said, ushering him into the apartment and toward his room.

Selek stopped, shocked. "Jim, does he approve of—"

"Spock," Jim slipped back to the name he had first learned to call the Vulcan. "He's dying. He's submissive and in a coma. And the only way to save him is for him to bond with someone and—"

"Jim," Selek interrupted gently. "Why do you want to bond with him?"

"Because I'm here," Jim gasped. "Because I want him to live and… I need him. I didn't think it was possible, but… I _need_ him."

Selek nodded silently and Jim pushed the door to his room open.

Jim's heart jumped to clog his throat when he saw Spock. He was so still. He couldn't be! He couldn't be too late again! And then Spock's chest rose and fell slowly. Jim let out a breath of relief, nerves on edge.

"Please, Spock," Jim said looking up at the old Vulcan. "You owe me! I did everything you asked. I nearly destroyed the chance for Spock and me to ever be friends on _your_ order. All that will be for nothing unless you do this. Now." He looked back down at the younger Spock, whose face glimmered from sweat. "Please. He needs to live."

Selek looked between his young counterpart and his Jim. His mind was made up.

"Jim," Selek said, needing the young man to pay attention closely. "You must be patient and gentle with him. He will fight this, but he needs you. And, Jim," he paused, "let him discover your love by himself."

He nodded towards the bed. "It will be easier if you sit down beside him."

Jim instantly obeyed, crawling over to Spock's other side. He looked up at Selek, unsure of what to do next.

Selek gently sat down on the bed and placed one hand on Spock's meld points and his other on Jim's.

"This will be marginally uncomfortable for you," Selek told him. "But you must not fight me."

Jim nodded and Selek initiated the meld with the three of them.

It was nothing like the meld the old Vulcan had used on Delta Vega. Jim could feel Selek, but he was not in his memories or mind. He was in Spock's. His Spock's.

Selek bonded them as gently as he could. He still felt the sting of Jim's mind as he retreated from them both and opened his eyes.

"T'ank you, S'lek," Jim slurred as he fell beside his comatose bondmate. He was soon just as asleep.

Selek rose and covered them both with a blanket. He placed Jim's left hand and Spock's right on top of the blanket together. He stood straight.

He should have known that Jim Kirk in any universe would always save his Spock. His own Jim had saved him after his submissiveness had woken after his first pon farr.

He wished Jim could be here to watch them fall in love again. He would find enjoyment out of it.

He picked up Jim's communicator and walked out of the room before calling Leonard McCoy.

"Jim, what is it?" the doctor answered, concern evident.

"Doctor McCoy, I am Selek," the Vulcan said. "The situation has been taken care of. They are both well."

"What?" Leonard screeched. "That dumbass bonded with him, didn't he? And you let him! You might be from the future, but it's a different universe! They aren't the same as you and the Jim you knew!"

"You know of me, Doctor?" Selek asked.

"Yes, 'Selek,'" Leonard said. Selek could _hear_ him scowling. "Jim told me what happened on that ice ball. Don't you know what this could do to them both? You of all people should know that Vulcan's have longer lifespans than humans. What will Spock do when Jim dies?"

Selek swallowed, forcing away painful memories. "I was also bonded to a human. He… he died many years ago. By that time, I was not in the prime of my life anymore and the shock of losing my t'hy'la caused my submissiveness to become dormant."

"T'hy'la?" the doctor asked. "And what makes you think that will happen with them?"

"Because my Jim was my bondmate," Selek replied.

* * *

Spock groaned softly as he woke. He was warm and there was a weight at his side.

Then a pair of lips kissed his neck and a tongue licked a stripe from his collar bone, up his jaw, and up to his ear. The lobe was sucked into that warm, moist mouth.

Spock's eyes popped open and he scrambled away from the person beside him. Had the Admiral somehow managed to bond with him?

Then his eyes fell on the face and half-naked body of Jim Kirk. Spock fell off the side of the bed, legs tangled in the sheets.

"Spock," Jim cried, surprised. "What are you doing?"

Spock wondered when the cadet had become 'Jim.'

"Where am I?" Spock asked as he glance at his surroundings. The room was unfamiliar.

"You're at Bones' and my apartment," Jim said, sitting up against the wall. "What do you remember?"

"Admiral Whibley abducted me," Spock recalled. "He kept me captive for several days. He was about to," Spock swallowed, "force me when…" he looked up, surprised. "You saved me."

"And after that?"

"I fell into the coma," Spock remembered. His brow furrowed in confusion. "But the only way to…"

He looked up at Jim with horror as he felt the presence in his mind that he had not noticed since waking. They were bonded. Spock's fears had come true.

"Spock," Jim said quietly. He spoke like Spock was an injured, fearful animal.

The Vulcan examined in his mind further and discovered that his shields were nonexistent. The human could feel every emotion Spock did.

"Why?" was the only thing Spock could ask.

"It was the only way to save you, Spock," Jim answered. "I couldn't let you die. Not when there was something I could do."

Spock stared up at the calm human with disbelief. And then his thoughts were… distracted. By the cadet's chest. Light colored hair dusted between his pectorals and a trail of the same colored hair trailed from his belly button down, till it disappeared under his pants.

"Spock," Jim broke him of his reverie. "Are you okay?"

Spock looked away, willing away the flush from his cheeks unsuccessfully. "I believe that though the bond brought me back to consciousness, I am still," the blush grew deeper, "in need."

"Oh," was all Jim said before he slipped down from the bed and knelt beside Spock. "Trust me," he whispered.

Spock nodded, but his heart beat 1.4 times its normal rate.

Jim leaned forward to kiss him, but Spock tilted his head away and Jim's lips landed on his cheek.

Spock expected the younger man to become irritated, but he was surprised to hear him laugh.

"Okay," he said simply. His hand trailed down to Spock's ruined trousers. He softly clucked his tongue. "Remind me to give you a pair later," he said as he pushed them down. The Vulcan's boxer briefs soon followed.

Spock clenched his eyes shut, visions of the things Stonn and Whibley had done to him played behind his lids. His hands fisted against the carpet, knuckles white. He bit his lip, waiting for the sting of a penis or finger entering him.

But he was surprised when his own member was swallowed into a warm cavern.

His eyes shot open and locked on Jim. A gasp fell from his lips.

Those beautiful, blue eyes glanced up at him, gauging his reaction. His tongue swirled around the head of Spock's penis and the Vulcan felt illogically dizzy as blood rushed to fill the appendage. And then Jim swallowed his member deeper till the head struck the back of his throat and _hummed._

Spock's head fell back as he groaned. His hips bucked and there was a different sensation as Jim _laughed_ around him. A hand stroked him as it held his member and Jim sat up and looked at him. Spock could not hear what he said as all he could focus on were those sinfully pink lips. They grinned and wrapped about him once more.

Jim's tongue swirled once again around the head and its double ridges before massaging its way down his shaft.

Spock saw white as he came, faster and harder than he ever had before. His trembling arms collapsed beneath him and he fell back to the floor, gasping. Jim sat up, a line of white fluid trailing from the corner of his mouth.

Jim reached forward and took Spock's hands in his before pulling him up. Spock stumbled, but Jim caught him and pulled him tight against his body. He carefully sat them down on the bed and arranged them so they lay side by side.

"What about you?" Spock asked. When would the other man take him?

Jim moved till Spock's head was on his shoulder. "I can wait," he said. "Get some more rest."

Spock watched his new mate as sleep came to claim him once more. The man held him and stroked his brow until his eyes closed and his breathing slowed.

Jim Kirk was fascinatingly confusing. Spock did not know what to expect from him. He would have to meditate on him, and their bond, when he awoke. But, for now, he was warm again, satisfied, and tired. So very tired…


	10. Chapter Nine: The Moment of Truth

Jim woke to the sound of a communicator chirping. He shifted and carefully got out of the bed, managing not to disturb the Vulcan beside him. He took his communicator from the stand beside his bed and looked at the screen. _Bones._

"Hey, Bones," Jim said, voice low from both sleep and trying not to wake the Vulcan.

"Hey, kiddo," the doctor said. "How's Spock?"

"He woke up," Jim said and moved to the kitchen. He drew a glass of water from the faucet.

"And?" he prompted.

"He's upset," the younger man said as he leaned back against the counter. "I don't think he likes that we're bonded."

"That's understandable. What'd you do when he woke up?"

Jim shifted, suddenly uncomfortable, which he thought was odd. He normally had no qualms over talking to his best friend about his love life. Why would he now?

"We spoke," Jim said. "He was still weak so he wasn't awake long."

"Jim," Leonard chided. "I'm a doctor. I know the details about submission. One of those details is that even after being bonded, submissives still have that need."

Jim blushed. "I blew him."

"I thought so," Bones said, approval obvious in his voice. "I have to warn you it won't last as long as when he actually has sex. You'll have about a week to two before—"

"Bones, I don't want to only touch him when he needs it," Jim disagreed. "I… I think—"

"You're attracted to him, right?" Bones asked.

"It's more than that," Jim sighed. "I really like him. I liked him when I first met him."

"Jim, you hated him," Bones corrected. "He had you on trial."

"I met him before that," Jim admitted. "I didn't know it, but it was him. Years ago, when I was a delinquent. We saw each other in a bar for only a few minutes, but…"

"You love him."

"I think so," he agreed.

"What are you going to do? He'll find out eventually," the doctor asked.

"I don't know," Jim said and bit his lip. "I think he's _scared_ of me right now. It's like he thinks I'm going to suddenly turn into a monster and attack him."

"Jim, he was just kidnapped and almost raped," Bones told him. "He needs time and help. You two are bonded for life. I have no doubt that you'll eventually win him over."

"Thanks, Bones," Jim sighed and looked outside into the darkness. "At least you and Selek have faith in me. You're the only ones who do."

"There's more people than just us," Bones replied. "I managed to get the two of you on sick leave, but you have to finish your classes. Spock has another day before he can even think about going back. Even then, he's going to have to talk to someone. And tell him to come by and see Nyota. She's worried about him."

"So that's where you are," Jim grinned. "No wonder you didn't come back."

"Selek called me," Leonard corrected. "He told me that I might not want to come back for a few days."

"I love that old man," Jim sighed, thankful for the privacy of the empty apartment. That is, empty besides himself and Spock. "I better get back. I want to keep an eye on him."

"You do that," Bones agreed. "Comm me if you need me."

Jim ended the call and quietly went back to his room. He stood in the doorway, gazing down at Spock, asleep in his bed. It was the most beautiful sight he'd ever seen.

He walked the rest of the way to the bed and carefully crawled back in. As soon as he was settled, Spock rolled over closer to him. Jim wrapped an arm around him and grinned. At least, in his sleep, Spock trusted him.

* * *

Spock woke abruptly with a moan. He opened his eyes and looked down to see Jim's mouth around his cock again. His head fell back and his eyes rolled back into his head as Jim sucked much harder now that he knew that Spock was awake.

Jim looked up through his lashes and was suddenly thankful for that summer after he turned fifteen that an old boyfriend had taught him how to give proper head. The usually stoic Vulcan had to be the most responsive partner he'd ever had. He drew back and lightly kissed the verdant tip before pushing it past his lips and sucking deeply. Jim felt Spock shudder beneath his touch before he came in a rush.

Spock opened his eyes, gasping. Jim's mouth was still around him, drinking every drop. Finally, the younger man pulled away, swallowing again before he spoke.

"Good morning."

Spock stared at him, dumbfounded. _Who_ was this man?

Jim just grinned before taking Spock's hand and squeezing it. He stood, fingers pulling away in a Vulcan kiss. Spock was almost sure that it hadn't been intentional. How could Jim know of Vulcan displays of affection?

"Okay, I have to get ready for class. Bones was able to excuse me for yesterday, but I have to go if I want to graduate," Jim said aloud as he walked across the room to his closet. He took out a new cadet uniform and undid the button and zipper on his pants.

Spock looked away, willing away a persistent blush.

"Shy?"

Spock's head jerked to look at Jim and the cadet grinned before dropping his pants. Spock couldn't hide his blush this time and looked away.

"Spock, what's wrong?" Jim asked as he moved closer. "From what I've been told, we're tied together for life now. You'll eventually have to see me naked. It's only logical."

"On Vulcan, it is… was traditional for bondmates to have separate rooms," Spock spoke to the blanket covering his lap. "They would only come together when it was needed or to procreate."

"Oh," was all Jim could say to that. "That's—"

"Mr. Kirk," Spock ignored Jim's wince at the use of his last name, "why do you insist on initiating sexual relations with me… more than what is needed?"

Jim pulled his pants on, since he could see that it made the Vulcan uncomfortable, but left his chest bare. His head tilted as he sat down beside him. "What do you mean?"

"Last night's activities," Spock's cheeks began to burn, "were sufficient enough. There was no need for you to awake me as you did."

"Oh, yeah," Jim said, and looked down, flushing lightly. "I don't know. I…I like touching you."

"You like to touch me?" Spock repeated, unsure of what to infer from this explanation.

"Yeah," Jim said, standing and slipping a t-shirt over his head. His head popped out of the neck and he looked down at Spock. "Bones also said that he expected for you to visit Uhura. He said she's been crazy with worry for you."

"Did Doctor McCoy comm earlier?" Spock asked.

"Yeah," Jim cocked his head, wondering why Spock was still sitting in bed and remembered that he was naked underneath. "Oh, yeah! All my clothes are in that closet. Feel free to shower, eat, do whatever you want. You have another day off to recuperate, doctor's orders. If you want, we can go to your apartment after I get back."

"Thank you," Spock said, quietly, looking down.

Jim used that moment of distraction to sweep down and kiss him on the corner of his mouth before standing straight again. "It's cool. I have to get to class, though. So I'll see you later tonight?"

Spock nodded and Jim picked his bag up off the floor before leaving the room. He soon heard the front door closing after the younger man as well.

Spock stood, blanket still wrapped around his waist, before stepping over to the closet. He took out a pair of black slacks and a dark blue long-sleeved shirt. He reached into the dresser and took out neatly folded socks and a pair of underwear. Spock looked down at his arm to see that his mark was bright against his pale skin. It always appeared right before he had his need and soon disappeared once it was satisfied.

He showered and changed before leaving the apartment. He looked around, trying to find where he was and saw that he was very close to campus and not far from his own apartment.

He walked quietly. The sun shown down, warm for that time of year in San Francisco. A slight breeze blew, stirring the air around him. He finally reached his apartment building and took the steps up to his lodgings.

The door opened to show the very neat rooms. He could see from his vantage, though, a briefcase on his kitchen table. Spock stepped in carefully. He rounded the corner to look into the sitting room and saw his father. He relaxed, knowing that all was well.

Sarek looked up at his son and stood before taking the few steps over to him. He gripped his son's shoulders, face turned in an expression alien to the stoic man. He took Spock by surprise when he pulled him into a tight embrace.

"I am pleased to see you are well," Sarek whispered, voice low.

Spock raised his arms to surround his father and found that the older Vulcan was nearly trembling.

"Father, I am in no immediate danger anymore," Spock told him, at a loss, but trying to reassure him.

Sarek leaned back and looked at his son. "I do not know what I would have done if I had lost both you and Amanda."

They both felt their grief for the human woman who had made such a difference to their worlds. They sat down on Spock's couch, Sarek reassuring himself that his son was alive.

"I believe that she would have liked James Kirk," Sarek said suddenly.

"What leads you to believe that?" Spock asked.

Sarek looked down at his left hand. There was a gold wedding band on his ring finger. Amanda had persuaded him to follow the human tradition when they had bonded.

"Elder Selek has told me of what happened in your bondmate's lodging when the two of you were bonded. Amanda would have approved of him immediately for his actions in saving you," Sarek explained. "I do not know much of James Kirk, but I do know this. There are few who could force a Vulcan to show his emotions. Your mother did the same to me as Jim Kirk has done for you."

"Mother made you show your emotions?" Spock asked, surprised. He never remembered any such situations.

"Quite often," Sarek replied with a small smile. "She would often do so in private, knowing that it would not be accepted for my position in society to appear as such in public."

Spock looked down, trying to digest this new side to his parents he had never seen. They didn't seem like what Spock had been shown was the traditional Vulcan bondmates.

"Spock, I know that you do not like your bond, but you must accept it," Sarek said quietly. "I believe James will not harm you."

Spock felt his cheeks warm. "He insists that we sleep in the same bed."

"Many humans do," Sarek replied. Spock's head shot up.

"Did… Did Mother?"

Sarek nodded, eyes lost in the past. "It was one of the few human traditions she insisted we follow," he blinked and looked at his son. "I wish I would have followed more of her traditions when we raised you."


	11. Chapter Ten: The Truth of Who We Are

Spock stood in front of the door, waiting for the occupants to answer his knock. He could hear the rustling of clothes, bodies stumbling and a male voice cursing. Finally, the door swung open.

Nyota stood there, mouth slightly agape at the sight of him. She wore a light robe and, as far as Spock could see, nothing else. She jumped up and wrapped her arms tightly around his neck for a few seconds before dropping back down. There was no warning before she slapped his cheek.

"Don't you ever scare me like that again," she scolded. "You'll make me old before my time!"

"I apologize, Nyota. It was not my intention," he replied solemnly.

"Oh, Spock," she whispered before hugging him again. She quickly stepped back, though, and pulled him into her rooms.

Doctor McCoy sat on her rumpled bed. His cheeks were flushed and his hair bedraggled. He wore no socks or shoes and his shirt was inside out. Spock raised a brow at him and the human flushed even more.

"Leonard. Spock," Nyota chided.

"I apologize for interrupting," Spock said, causing both humans to look away. "I had been told that you expected me to visit today."

"It's alright, Spock," Leonard said. "Looks like you and Jim do have something in common. Horrible timing. Ask him about it. The stories he can tell."

"Leonard, why don't you go to the bathroom and," Nyota paused, "straighten up."

The older man blinked before looking down and groaning. He stood and walked out of the room, leaving the two friends behind.

"Nyota, I am sorry that I—"

The woman shook her head and gestured for him to sit on her bed as she slipped on pajama bottoms under her robe and pulled a large t-shirt over her head. She pulled the robe off, that was tucked under the shirt, before sitting. Spock sat at the foot, slightly uncomfortable with the knowledge of what had been occurring in this bed very recently. "Don't worry about it, Spock. Now, you have that look on your face. Tell me what's going on."

Spock tilted his head to the side, confused. "What look?"

Nyota sighed, exasperated. "You know what look. Your 'I'm-perplexed-by-you-illogical-humans' look. I'll go out on a limb here and say that it's because of Jim."

Spock ignored the illogical parts of her statement and nodded. "Nyota, he is… rather baffling. Among some of his erratic actions, he verbally attacked me for not letting emotion cloud my judgment and then rescued me from Whibley. Then he bonded with me. I do not understand him."

"I believe I can answer that."

Nyota looked up and Spock turned to see Leonard, clothes righted. He walked over and sat on what used to be Gaila's bed.

"I didn't mean to eavesdrop, but I couldn't help it," Leonard told them. He turned to face Spock. "Jim explained to me why he said what he did. He was told to do whatever he had to to make you show emotion. He wishes he could have done something else."

"He was under orders from my counterpart?"

Leonard's eyes widened and then he started laughing. "That old goblin! He pulled the wool over Jim's eyes!"

"Doctor?"

"It's Leonard," he said, shaking his head and still chuckling. "So you've met Selek?"

Spock nodded.

"Hard to believe he's you," the doctor kept chuckling.

"Leonard, I disagree. The timeline diverged twenty-five years ago, changing the events of our past from our counterparts in the elder's universe—"

"Spock," Leonard groaned. "Can we get back to topic?"

"Of course, Leonard."

"Anyways," he continued. "I've never seen Jim so determined. I had to make him attend classes so that he wouldn't fail. Not to mention eat and sleep. Despite the way your relationship started, Jim feels something for you."

"Spock, I've never been a fan of Jim, but he was constantly looking for you or thinking of it," Nyota told him, laying a hand on his shoulder.

Spock nodded. He looked up at his friend. Her dark face was alight and she glanced at the doctor, a smile on her face.

"Nyota, may I ask a personal query?" Spock whispered. Leonard took the hint and stood, before walking to the other side of the room to give them a little privacy.

"Of course," she answered, leaning forward slightly.

"Are you content with your arrangement with the doctor?"

Nyota tilted her head to the side. "Are you asking if I'm happy?" Spock nodded. "Spock, I'm happier than I've ever been. Leonard… he's perfect for me."

Spock nodded, digesting this new information. He could see, but he wanted her verbal confirmation.

"Spock, are you asking because of Jim?"

The Vulcan considered lying, but decided against it. "Partially."

"Spock," Nyota whispered, squeezing his cloth-covered wrist. "Jim's a good guy. He understands what's going on and he'll take care of you."

"Nyota, thank you," Spock told her. "I believe I will take me leave so that you and Leonard can return to your… activities."

Nyota grinned. "Thanks, Spock. I'm always here if you need to talk to someone. Just make sure you call first."

Spock nodded before standing. Leonard followed him to the door.

"Spock, I'm going to stay here for a while," the doctor told him. "You and Jim can have the apartment to yourselves." He looked back at the girl sitting on her bed, trying to not look like she was listening to their conversation. Leonard lowered his voice. "She needs me here. She misses Gaila."

"I agree," Spock nodded. "She and Gaila were quite close."

"Alright," Leonard said. "If you need me, I'm just a comm away."

"Yes, doctor," Spock answered before leaving the apartment. When he stepped outside he looked up. It was still early for him to return. Jim would not be there yet and he didn't want to stay there alone. He decided to leave campus and walk to the commercial district close by.

He looked through windows as he passed, thinking over his situation. He did not know if he trusted Jim yet, in spite of what their friends had said. And yet Spock could not deny that he found Jim attractive and knew that the same was true for the human.

The bell clinked over the door as Spock walked into a small shop. There were only a few beings there, most likely tourists.

"Can I help you, sir?" a middle-aged human male asked.

There was only one way that Spock could face Jim without fear and touch him and be touched.

"Yes, do you have any chocolate?"

* * *

Jim sighed as he lifted his bag further up his shoulder from where it had slipped down. He stepped in and quietly shut the door behind him.

"Spock," he called. "Are you here?"

His only answer was silence. Jim shrugged, thinking that Spock must still be with Uhura, who still wouldn't answer on whether her name really was Nyota.

Jim loosened his jacket as he walked towards his room, shutting the door behind him as he shed the jacket and dropped his bag. He crossed his arms and pulled his shirt over his head.

"Jim."

He spun, tangling his head and arms within his shirt and nearly slipping. He quickly pulled the shirt off and stared at Spock.

The Vulcan was sitting in his bed, under the comforter. Although that wouldn't be considered completely abnormal, what made it that way was the distinct lack of clothing that Jim could see on the other male. His cheeks were flushed a pale green. Jim swallowed when he saw the hard green-tinged nipples on the other male's chest.

"Spock, what's going on?"

Spock shakily stood and crossed the room to Jim. That lack of clothing that Jim had seen? It continued from under the blanket. Jim couldn't help but to admire the simple beauty of the man.

"I am yours, Jim," Spock said quietly, kissing his cheek and then his lips.

Jim pushed him away to arm's length and held him there even though the half-Vulcan fought back half-heartedly. He could see the fear and sadness in those dark eyes.

"Oh, Spock," Jim whispered. "You don't owe me anything, much less sex."

Spock's impossibly dark eyes clouded. "Do you not desire me?"

Jim squeezed a hand around one of Spock's biceps and tried not to look further down than his neck. "You know I desire you, Spock, but I don't think you're ready."

"But I say I am," Spock shook his head, for all the world looking like a petulant child. There was something peculiar about that and how he had acted so out of character through this entire conversation…

Jim looked past him and saw, there, by his bed, an empty wrapper. An empty _chocolate_ wrapper. Shit. Bones had given him his xeno-biology notes on Vulcans and there had been a few paragraphs dedicated to the effects the confection had on the alien species. Namely, that it acted as alcohol did on humans, as an intoxicant. He looked back at Spock in time to see a green-tinged tongue swipe across his lips.

"Spock," he said softly. "Did you eat chocolate?"

Spock bit his lip. "I might have."

Jim sighed and let go of his arms to run a hand through his blond hair. "Great."

"May I ask what is 'great'?"

Jim glanced up. "Come on. Let's get you back in bed before you crash."

He was taken by complete surprise when the Vulcan took his hand and pulled him to the bed and pushed him down before covering his body with his own. Jim's cries were muffled by the lips covering his that still carried the taste of the sweet candy the Vulcan had consumed earlier. Finally, Jim managed to push him away enough to draw in a few much-needed breaths.

"Spock, what the hell do you think you are doing?"

Spock blinked slowly. Jim noticed that his pupils were so dilated that there was only a sliver of their normal brown surrounding them. Jim cursed inwardly. The damn Vulcan was blitzed.

"I had thought you had wanted to partake of sexual congress with me," Spock said, sitting back up, slowly, wobbling slightly. "Forgive me if I was—"

"Damn it, Spock!" Jim cursed and grabbed the Vulcan's arm and pulling him down on top of him. "I _do_ want to have sex with you, but I don't want you to be drunk when we do!"

Spock lay limp in his arms, shocked. He could feel the sincerity through their contact and the newly-unblocked bond they shared. He only absently wondered when his mental barriers had come down.

"Why did you feel that you needed to be drunk to have sex with me?" Jim asked softly.

Spock closed his eyes and curled his fingers into a loose fist where they lay on Jim's chest. "I-I knew that I would fear this. My last bond…did not go well. I was…afraid to join another and when I learned that you had bonded with me, I was even more afraid." Spock braced his hands on either side of Jim's chest and pushed up till he could see the man's face. "You had every right to hate me after what I did. I nearly _killed_ you. _Twice_."

"I don't hate you, Spock," Jim whispered. "Quite the opposite."

Spock looked down at them both. Their bare stomachs brushed, blocking his view of them any further down. He pulled away and began to clamber off the other man.

"I should get dressed," he said, cheeks tinted green.

A hand caught him and then a pair of arms pulled him back down. "Stay."

Spock nodded and tried to suppress a shiver. The room was much cooler than what he would have liked. Jim seemed to read his mind.

"Are you cold?"

Spock nodded and Jim shifted them until they lay on their sides, covered by the blankets and arms wrapped loosely around each other. "Have to take care of my Vulcan," Jim chuckled and caressed his cheek.

They lay in silence, but Spock soon became uncomfortable. "There must be something you wish to be doing—"

"This beats everything," Jim interrupted, but he noticed the other man's discomfort. "But why don't we talk?"

"What do you wish to talk about?"

Jim shrugged. "I don't know. Why don't you tell me about this whole 'dominant/submissive' thing. I know it's been a popular sex craze since the twenty-first century at least, but I don't know much about it and it doesn't seem as…similar to this."

Spock jerked back. "You do not know what our situation entails?"

"You were dying, Spock," Jim said dryly. "Excuse me for not doing my homework. I knew the basics. The details didn't really matter."

Spock turned his head and hid his face in the pillow beside Jim's neck. "Why?"

"I was once told that I had an instinct to 'leap without looking,'" Jim told him, nonchalant. "It's hereditary."

A hand stroked the back of Spock's neck as he regained control of himself. Finally, he removed his face from the pillow and laid his head in the space between Jim's shoulder and collar bone.

"It is a genetic anomaly that has appeared in many species, including humans and Vulcans. It is also often hereditary. The 'sexual craze' that you spoke of was partially inspired by it.

"Over time, Vulcans adapted so that those who possessed these traits would have a higher chance of survival. At the time of their birth, we have marks showing what our nature is," he raised his arm, showing Jim the mark that was beginning to fade. "This is the mark of a _nepik_ , a submissive."

He dropped his arm, allowing the still-stroking hand to relax him. "Vulcan's are traditionally betrothed near the age of seven so that if the submissive partner's condition awakens or," Spock flushed, but continued, "one of them begins pon farr, our mating cycle, they have a mate who can take care of their needs. After a submissive loses their virginity, the condition most often begins to recur soon after.

"When my bond was dissolved I came to Earth and nearly died because I didn't know how to care for this," Spock admitted. "Nyota saved my life and she and her mother taught me what I needed to know."

Spock swallowed, cheeks warming. "We must be dominated. If we exceed an amount of time without this, our bodies begin to shut down."

"Bones told me that part. I thought he was kidding at first," Jim said, holding Spock closer. "I never thought this could happen."

"It is still not widely known," Spock told him. "Only a quarter of those in the federation would be considered submissive. Dominants are more fortunate as they are seen as normal and often do not ever realize their nature."

"Am I a dominant?"

Spock closed his eyes, but nodded.

"Was your last bondmate one?"

"Yes," Spock whispered.

"What'd he do to you, Spock?" Jim whispered as one of his fingers stroked the Vulcan's temple and cheek.

Spock shook his head. His throat seemed to be closing up.

"Tell me, Spock," Jim ordered, sounding as he did when he was acting captain. "I can feel everything you're feeling through the bond."

The Vulcan tried to pull away, but Jim kept his arms tight around him, locking him to his chest.

"Tell me, Spock! You need to tell someone!"

"He raped me!" Spock cried. "Is that what you want to hear?"

Jim held him tight as the emotions he had confined for so long finally poured out. He stroked his back and remained silent as sobs quaked through the other male's frame.

"I was fifteen when Stonn entered Pon Farr," Spock said when he could finally speak, sis voice weak and weary. "Although I didn't expect him to be gentle, I did expect him not to intentionally harm me." He swallowed. "Through his time and even after, Stonn never showed me kindness."

"He abused you?" Jim said in a strangled whisper.

"Please," Spock sighed. "I don't know if I can continue if I stop."

Jim nodded.

"After we had been bonded for three-point-two years, I learned I was pregnant. Stonn…did not want to have a child with me. I lost it the day we found out. Our bond was broken and I came to Earth to escape bonding to another that could be like him."

Jim held him as he trembled, memories of his past plaguing his mind. Those visions traveled through the bond to Jim, but he didn't speak of what he saw.

"I won't be like him," he whispered. "I will never hurt you."

"You cannot promise that," Spock replied.

"I can try," Jim told him stubbornly. He pulled the Vulcan closer. "But…you can get pregnant?" his voice sounded unsure.

Spock closed his eyes, but nodded.

"You're so amazing," Jim whispered. "I gave up on ever having children when we bonded, but now… God, you're wonderful."

"You do not mind?" Spock asked, shocked.

"Nope," Jim replied. "Now, you're going to hate yourself in the morning, so go to sleep. Good thing it'll be the weekend and I'll be able to stay and take care of you and your hangover."

Spock's eyes fluttered shut and he felt both his physical tiredness and emotional exhaustion begin to pull him under.

"Jim," he murmured.

"Hmm?" the human answered, rubbing a hand up and down Spock's bare back.

"Thank you."


	12. Chapter Eleven: The Beating of our Hearts

Jim jerked awake as his bed quaked. When he opened his eyes, he saw he was alone, but the spot beside him was still warm from where Spock had slept.

He sat up and, as he put his feet on the floor, he heard gagging from the bathroom.

"Spock?" he called as he padded down the hall. He was answered by a groan. He pushed the door to the bathroom open.

Spock slumped against the wall beside the toilet. He was still completely naked, his skin pallid and damp from sweat. He reached a shaking hand up and flushed.

Jim opened the cabinet under the sink and took out a washcloth. He turned the faucet on and dampened it, all the while feeling Spock's eyes on him. He turned and knelt next to the Vulcan. He gently held his jaw and wiped the sweat and other fluids from his face.

"I told you that you'd hate yourself," Jim whispered. "Is this like a human's hangover from alcohol?"

"Yes," Spock rasped. "They are very similar."

"Alright," Jim nodded. "Do you think you're going to be sick again soon?"

"I do not believe so," Spock answered.

Jim nodded. "I'm going to take you to the couch, okay?"

Spock nodded and Jim wrapped his arms around his shoulders and under his knees. He carefully lifted him off the floor and slowly took him to the main room before settling him on the couch. Jim sat down beside him.

"Headache and nausea? Anything else?" he asked.

Spock shook his head.

"I'll be right back," Jim told him as he stood. He walked out of the room and back to his bedroom. He pulled the comforter and pillow from the bad and went back.

"The best way to deal with a hangover is to just try to sleep it off," he said as he handed Spock the pillow and covered him. "Two more things," he said as he headed into the kitchen. He soon came back. In his hands were an old coffee can and a glass of water.

"If you start to feel sick again grab the can and tell me" Jim said as he set it down next to the couch. "Drink this slowly."

Spock complied when Jim handed him the water. The couch shifted as Jim moved from his side to his foot. He pulled the Vulcan's feet into his lap. Spock took another sip as Jim wrapped a hand around one, making Spock jerk and nearly spill the water.

"What were you doing?" Spock asked, eyes wide.

Jim cocked his head to the side. "I was going to give you a massage. Why? What's wrong?"

"A Vulcan's feet are very sensitive," Spock informed him. "Though not nearly as sensitive as our hands."

"Oh," Jim blinked. "Sorry." He lay both his hands on Spock's calves.

"You were ignorant of this fact," Spock replied as he carefully placed the glass on the floor beside the can. "There is no reason to apologize." He leaned back against the couch, eyes closed.

"Your head still hurt?" Jim asked. Spock nodded in answer. "If you lay your head on my lap I'll give you a massage. And," he grinned, "I'll promise to stay away from your hands and feet for now."

Spock gingerly turned and rested his head in Jim's lap.

Jim smiled as he looked down at his poor half-Vulcan. He could see his pale profile. Jim traced the edge of a pointed ear, making Spock shiver. He cupped a hand around the back of Spock's neck and began to rub away tension. He slowly moved his hand up to his scalp and added his other hand.

He felt Spock sigh and begin to relax under his hands. The apartment was silent until a low rumble began to emanate from deep within Spock's chest. Jim blinked.

"Spock…are you purring?"

The rumble paused. "Vulcans are distantly related to terran felines as humans are related to simians."

A smile spread across Jim's face. "Don't stop on my account."

As Jim continued to knead the Vulcan's skin and muscle the purring quietly began again. It was not long before he felt Spock drop off into sleep. Jim let his hand settle on Spock's bare shoulder and tilted his head back and dozed off.

* * *

Awareness came to Spock slowly. He blinked his eyes open, feeling rested and much better than the last time he had been conscious. The room was still dim, even though it was the afternoon.

His cheek that was resting on Jim's lap was warm. Very warm. And there was a firm bulge beneath it. Spock tilted his head to the side and glanced up at his bondmate.

Jim's head was tilted back on the couch. His lips was slightly parted with the corners wet. His breathing was deep and slow from sleep.

Spock touched one of his fingertips to the bare skin of Jim's hand on his shoulder. Images and sounds of dreams flashed across his mind. The most striking of which was Jim sucking on his neck as he reached down to Spock's penis. Spock quickly removed his finger from Jim.

Jim… Spock closed his eyes in guilt. Jim obviously felt attraction for him. Yet he was controlling himself for Spock's peace of mind. Jim was a good man. And Spock was giving him what many humans would call a very large case of blue balls.

Spock realized a way to rectify this matter when he turned his head back and once again felt the burning warmth. He slowly sat up and slid to the floor.

He carefully undid Jim's zipper, striving not to wake the human. He dipped his hand beneath his boxer briefs and slowly pulled out Jim's cock. His hands trembled as he stared at the erect flesh. It had been ten years since he had done this act. Spock felt he was out of practice.

He leaned forward, tentatively licking the tip. The taste was foreign, but not unpleasant. He took a deep breath and slid his mouth down the shaft, massaging it with his tongue as he went.

Jim moaned slightly above him, still fast asleep.

Spock drew back and quickly slid down again, eliciting a small gasp. He realized Jim was quite vocal with his pleasure. He drew back once more and relaxed his throat before taking in Jim's cock all the way to the base.

Jim jerked awake with a loud gasp. His hands shot to Spock's shoulders and gripped them before relaxing and pushing Spock away.

"Spock, what are you doing?"

"Jim," Spock whispered. "You are my bondmate. I want to please you."

"I've already told you," Jim replied, still holding Spock at arm's length. "You don't owe me anything."

"I know," Spock nodded. "I want to."

Jim remained still for several minutes, staring into his mate's eyes, trying to find the truth. Finally, he spoke. "I want to do this right."

"It is," was all Spock said.

"Then come here," Jim told him. Almost instantly, Spock stood and Jim pulled him onto his lap, his slick cock tapping against Spock's bare thigh. Spock's own shaft began to show interest in their activities.

Jim's hand clasped on the back of his neck and pulled their lips together. Spock kissed him back just as hard, tongue twining with Jim's. Jim broke the kiss, panting for breath. He leant his head forward on Spock's shoulder.

"Are you sure about this?" he asked. "I can't promise I'll be able to stop for much longer."

Spock merely kissed him from the corner of his jaw down to lips. He pulled back slightly and whispered, "Please," before kissing Jim's lips once more.

Jim wrapped an arm around Spock's waist and pulled him tight against him. He pressed their lips together harder, plundering his bondmate's mouth. Their erections ground together, making them both groan. Jim pulled back and rubbed his stubbled cheeks against Spock's neck.

"Do me a favor," Jim spoke into Spock's shoulder. "Take the blanket and get in our bed. I'll be right behind you."

Spock's heart warmed when Jim designated the bed as theirs. He nodded and climbed gracefully off of Jim's lap before taking the blanket and pillow into his arms and leaving the room. Jim's eyes followed him until he disappeared. He stood and slipped himself back into his jeans before doing the button. He walked over to the wall and turned up the thermostat, smiling. He had to take care of his Spock.

He walked to the door of his bedroom. He stood in the doorway, gazing lovingly at the sight before him, so reminiscent of the night before. But this time it was right.

Jim walked the rest of the way to the bed. He sat on the edge and slipped off both his pants and boxer briefs before opening the drawer beside the bed. He took out a condom and lube and set them on top of the nightstand. Finally, he slipped under the comforter with his bondmate.

They lay on their sides facing each other, unsure of how to start now that they were there. Jim tentatively put his hand on Spock's hip and, when Spock didn't object, cupped his jaw with the other before giving him a soft, sweet kiss. He drew back with a lazy smile before returning to ravish the Vulcan.

Spock had been worried that Jim would be like Stonn when they touched each other like this: harsh and cruel. But Jim was anything but those characteristics. He was both gentle and firm as he kissed from Spock's elbow to his sensitive finger tips. For the first time, and Spock's eyes nearly pricked with tears at the thought, he felt _loved._ Jim Kirk truly was an amazing lover.

Jim rolled them over, himself on top, but braced most of his weight on one arm and his legs, trying not to crush his lover. His other hand explored Spock's body before resting on his hip. He slowly released Spock's lips.

"Spock, is everything okay?" he asked, concerned.

"I am well,' Spock answered truthfully.

"That's not quite what I meant," Jim shook his head. "Why… Well, why aren't you moving?"

Spock blinked. "I am submissive. You know this."

"Oh, Spock,' Jim leaned down and kissed him softly. "Submissive doesn't mean passive."

Spock blinked up at his soon-to-be-lover. "What should I do?"

Jim brushed a lock of hair from Spock's face. "Whatever feels right."

Jim waited, merely stroking the side of Spock's face. Spock raised his hands from his sides and slid them over Jim's hard chest. He rested them on his shoulders and pulled the other man down into a kiss.

Jim rolled them back onto their sides, a hand trailing down to his waist. His other hand held the back of Spock's neck. He pulled him flush against his warmer body and deepened the kiss. Spock let his hands explore Jim's body. Jim released his mouth and kissed down his jaw, teeth scraping his sensitive skin.

"Jim," Spock gasped. "I _need_ you."

Jim drew back slightly. "Patience, love," he spoke into Spock's skin. "We have the rest of our lives."

He tenderly kissed Spock's neck before shifting to be level with his chest. "Plus, I plan on driving you mad tonight," he licked a green tinged nipple, "and every night for a very, very long time."

With those words said, Jim brought his mouth back to the one hardening nipple and sucked, causing Spock to see black spots as he writhed beneath his bondmate.

"I think I like that reaction."

Spock opened his eyes, gasping. He hadn't even realized he'd shut them. Jim gazed down at him, grinning.

"I might get a complex, though," Jim said, a fingertip brushing Spock's neglected nub. "You'll make me think I'm magic in bed."

"You are," Spock rasped, making Jim laugh. He stretched up and captured Spock's lips with a quick kiss. "If you do not hasten soon, I will ejaculate before penetration."

"Well, we can't have that," Jim said with a wicked gleam in his eyes. He ducked back down, closing his lips over Spock's cock and _sucked._ Spock's eyes rolled back in his head as his climax rushed through him.

He slowly came back, gasping. "Why?"

Jim tilted his head; his lips covering his bondmate's. "I can wait as long as I need to."

Spock swallowed, almost overcome by emotion. He cleared his throat. "You will not have a long wait. Vulcan's have a short refractory period."

Jim's head perked up. "Seriously?" Spock nodded. "Oh, dear God!"

They waited, simply touching each other till Spock nodded, telling him he was ready. Jim turned half-way and brought back the condom and lube.

He tore the wrapper open and rolled the condom on before he popped the cap on the bottle open and poured the gel into his hand. He slicked it over his hands and turned to Spock. As he kissed Spock his fingers probed Spock's entrance.

He dipped one finger in and began curling it, stretching Spock's muscles. When he felt loose enough, Jim added a second, then third, finger. As he was about to add a fourth finger, Spock grabbed his wrist.

"Please," Spock pleaded. He ground back against Jim's hand, his dick bouncing against his stomach.

"Okay," Jim agreed huskily and removed his hand. He slicked more gel over the condom before lining up at Spock's entrance.

Jim met Spock's eyes as he slowly pushed forward, gauging the Vulcan's reactions. Once fully seated, Jim paused.

"You okay?" he rasped.

Spock, not trusting his voice, only nodded.

Jim withdrew almost all the way before pushing back in. He tried different angles, searching for one spot. As Spock gasped and clung to him, Jim grinned, knowing he'd found it. He targeted that spot repeatedly. He could feel himself drawing closer to release.

"Jim," Spock moaned. "I-I'm co—"

"I know, love," Jim gasped. He wrapped his hand around Spock's cock. "Come with me."

Spock moaned as Jim jerked his hand in time with his thrusts. Only a few seconds later they both came in a rush.

Jim held Spock in his arms as they both recovered from what was most likely the most powerful orgasm either of them had ever had.

Spock got his breath back first. He gazed at Jim, amazed. Jim's cheeks flushed (from more than just physical exertion). "What?"

"That is the most I have ever enjoyed coitus," Spock said bluntly.

"That's what happens when both partners are involved," Jim told him, a thumb stroking Spock's hip. "Now, hold still."

Spock nodded and Jim carefully removed himself. He slipped the condom off and tied it before throwing it in the waste bin beside the desk.

"Do you want to lay here for a bit before we get cleaned up?" Jim asked.

"That would be acceptable," Spock agreed and lay across Jim's chest, toying with the blond hair that grew on his lover's arms.

"That tickles," Jim said, shifting under him. Spock stopped stroking and closed his eyes, content.

"I love you."

Spock shifted so that he could see Jim's face. "Are you…?"

"Being serious?" Jim asked. "Yes."

"How do you know?" Spock asked.

Jim brushed his finger across Spock's cheekbone. "I realized when Bones told me you were dying. I know we didn't, and still don't, know each other well, but it was like…destiny."

Spock stared at him. He could feel Jim's sincerity through both their physical contact and their bond, but…

"How can I convince you?" Jim asked. "A meld?"

"How…?" Spock started, surprised he knew of that particular aspect of Vulcan telepathy. Then he remembered his counterpart.

"Selek," Jim supplied anyway. "We had no time for him to fully explain the situation without it on Delta Vega."

"I apologize for marooning you on the planet," Spock said, feeling pricks of guilt.

Jim shrugged. "It worked out in the end. Besides, I was a dick when I got back."

Spock shook his head. "You did what was needed."

"Let's just say we're at an impasse and agree to disagree," Jim said, squeezing Spock in his arms quickly. "So, will you?"

Spock nodded, raising his hand to Jim's meld points. He pressed his fingertips softly to them. "My mind to your mind," he whispered. _'My thoughts to your thoughts.'_

_Spock opened his eyes. He seemed to be floating in space. They were stars, planets, and moons in the distance, very few fully visible._

" _It is no wonder you believe you belong in space," Spock said, the noise echoing._

" _Where are we?"_

_Spock turned to Jim, who had appeared beside him._

" _The mindscape," Spock told him. Jim shrugged, not quite understanding._

" _So how do we do this?" Jim asked as he took Spock's hand._

 _Spock fell to his knees overwhelmed, Jim right behind him. They could feel everything the other had ever felt. Every thought they had ever thought. But it was the resounding_ click _that was still echoing that weakened Spock the most._

" _Spock!" Jim yelled. "Spock, what's wrong?"_

_Spock turned to his panicking bondmate with dazed eyes. "T'hy'la," he breathed._

" _What?" Jim asked, bewildered. "Spock, I need you to speak standard. What's wrong? How can I help?"_

_Spock shook his head. "Let me end the meld and I will tell you."_

_Jim nodded and let go. Spock closed his eyes, going back to himself._

He slowly dropped his hand, still amazed.

"Spock?"

He looked at Jim and stretched to kiss him softly. "You are my T'hy'la," he whispered.

"Your what?" Jim asked, bewildered.

"T'hy'la," Spock repeated. "There is no full translation for it in standard, but it has many meanings. Soul mate. The person who completes their mate," Spock's lips twitched up. "The person I can trust implicitly."

Jim blinked, then smiled. "It was destiny. We belong together."


	13. Chapter Twelve: The War is Won

The newly appointed Admiral Christopher Pike looked to the center of the room and the men who stood there. Pike was still recovering from his injuries, some that would never fully heal, but he wouldn't miss this even under a threat to his life. The admiral was joined by several of his colleagues to make a council to try one man.

The former Admiral Whibley stood, flanked by two Starfleet security officers. They dwarfed him in both height and muscle. Their blank expressions only made them more intimidating.

"This council has met for the court martial of Admiral Andrew Whibley. We have come to a verdict on his trial," Admiral Barnett's voice rang through the quiet hall. "Of charges of kidnapping, drugging, and sexual assault, among others charges, and all against a member of the Vulcan race, that has been placed under protection by the Federation, this council finds you guilty. As of this day, you have been dishonorably discharged. We will announce your sentence two days hence. Dismissed."

Pike glared down at Whibley. He felt warmth from the satisfaction that this _filth_ would receive the punishment that he deserved. He was actually very fortunate that it was Starfleet who was handling his trial. Even though Starfleet took care of its own, the Vulcan's would have gleefully ripped him to shreds. Even with the lighter sentence that Starfleet would give him, Whibley would still be lucky to be put to work on a mining planet.

* * *

Spock looked up from the screen of the padd he was working on when Jim opened the front door. The human looked dazed as he collapsed into the chair opposite Spock.

"Jim?" Spock asked.

"Pike called me into his office," Jim almost muttered in wonder. His eyes cleared and he looked at Spock, grinning. "They're giving me a ship."

"You've been promoted?" Spock asked, not surprised. It _was_ Starfleet's most logical move after the recent catastrophe.

Jim sat up, evidently unable to sit still. He leaned forward, hands clasped at his knees.

"I'm a _captain_ ," he said the words both for Spock and himself. "And not just for any ship. The Enterprise!"

"When do you leave?" Spock asked, heart falling.

Jim jumped up and began pacing, working his extra energy out. "Just after graduation, like it'd already been planned. The ceremony will be tomorrow at 1800 hours."

"Has most of the preparations been taken care of?" Spock asked, looking at the padd in his lap blindly.

"Oh, yeah," Jim said. "They're not changing the roster or anything. There are only a few things left to do and Pike and my First Officer," Spock didn't seem him grin down at him, "are going to help me with."

"And who will be your First Officer?" Spock asked, cursing (Maybe Jim had begun to rub off on him more than he had realized.) the order the Admirals had issued that he remained grounded until his health, both physical and mental, was examined. There was no doubt in his mind that the position he had formerly held under Admiral Pike had been filled in the time since.

Jim stopped in front of him. "Spock?" He knelt down so that he could look into his bondmate's downturned face. "Spock, love, it's you."

Spock's eyed widened. "But I have been grounded. I cannot hold a position other than instructor until I have been examined."

Jim grinned and stroked a thumb over the Vulcan's cheekbone. "Pike and I pulled a few strings and had some outside help. The council was hesitant at first, but they realized that I wouldn't leave Earth without you in your right place."

"How?"

Jim laughed. "I only accepted the position on the condition that you were at my side." Spock nearly gasped. Jim had almost rejected a captaincy for _him_. "They almost kicked me out of the hall, until your father and Selek came in. They reminded the council that bondmates, under the rules and regulations of Starfleet, are to be posted together. And of what a public relations nightmare it would be if they were seen to be skipping over a Vulcan for a job he deserved. Needless to say, they agreed quickly after that, on the condition that your evaluation goes well."

"I haven't scheduled one, yet," Spock said, feeling as if Jim had done all of this in vain. "The Vulcan healers will be too busy to see me until long after the ship has left Earth's orbit."

"Well," Jim looked down sheepishly. "Your father pulled a few strings as well. He's arranged for a healer to see you two days from now and Bones agreed to do your physical examination on the same day."

Spock stared down at his _wonderful_ bondmate, who was rapidly changing colors. He leaned forward and softly kissed the human's lips, then leaned his forehead against his. "Are you sure?"

"Spock," Jim chided. "Pike said you're shaping up to be the best First Officer in the fleet. You earned this position on your own." He smiled mischievously. "Plus, I need someone to keep me out of trouble. So, can I call you my First Officer?"

Spock didn't need to speak his answer. No, all the answer Jim needed was when the Vulcan's lips attacked his.

* * *

Leonard McCoy pushed the curtain open and shut it behind him. The infirmary behind him was silent, though, as they were the only ones in the room, which made the action needless.

"All the test results are in and I've got the healer's report," Doctor McCoy said, drawing Spock from his thoughts as the older man sat in the only chair in the vicinity. He looked up at Spock, perched on the biobed.

"And what is the verdict?" the Vulcan enquired.

Leonard smiled, tapped at his padd and handed it to Spock. "I've just sent the report to Starfleet," he said. "Congratulations, Spock. You're officially the First Officer of the _Enterprise_."

Spock nodded as he quickly read through the documents about his health. All were exemplary.

"I have to say," Leonard continued. "I was surprised by these after looking at those of your past physicals."

Spock looked at the doctor, who appeared to be at ease. "It is fairly common among my people for their health to reflect their mental wellbeing to an extent. My bond with Jim has grounded me in a way that I have never been before."

The doctor attempted to hide his smile. His best friend and the Vulcan were so obviously in love. It was good to see someone who cared so much about the reckless Jim Kirk.

"It's still hard to believe that you two are married," Leonard mused.

"Bonded," Spock corrected him. "We are not married."

Leonard shrugged. "Semantics. Anyways, you're free to go."

"Thank you, Doctor," Spock nodded to him as he slid off the bed and walked away.

Leonard stood and rubbed the back of his neck. He looked at where the Vulcan had disappeared. The next five years would not be boring. But they never would have been. _Anything_ that Jim Kirk was involved in would be far from boring.

* * *

"This assembly calls _Captain_ James Tiberius Kirk."

Jim stepped forward and stood at attention in front of Admiral Barnett.

The last of that year's exams had finished the day before and the first group of graduates would leave for their assigned ships later that day. One more week and Jim would be back in space.

"Your inspirational valor and supreme dedication to your comrades," the admiral shared a secret smile with him. This metal was for more than just his actions during the Nero crisis. No other than those who already knew of what had happened in the last few weeks had to know that, though. "Is in keeping with the highest traditions of service. _And_ reflect upmost credit to yourself, your crew and the Federation. It is my honor to award you with this commendation," Barnett removed the medal from the box that was handed to him and pinned it to Jim's breast, before taking a step back. "By Starfleet order 28455 you are hereby directed to report to Admiral Pike, USS Enterprise, for duty as his relief." They shook hands and Jim turned sharply before marching in front of Pike.

Admiral Barnett raised a brow. Who would have thought that the genius criminal who'd first stepped foot on the academy's campus three years before would graduate and have his own ship? Legally, that is, of course.

Jim looked down at Admiral Pike. He still felt guilty that they'd not gotten there in time to prevent his injuries, but knew that there had been no other way. "I relieve you, sir."

"I am relieved," Pike replied, smiling up at his protégé.

"Thank you, sir," Jim said, leaving off all the many, many things he was thanking him for, least of which was helping him reach captaincy.

"Congratulations, Captain," Pike's smile widened and they shook hands. "Your father would be proud of you."

Cheers filled the academy. Jim turned and faced the students gathered there. There were far less than there should have been, but there almost hadn't been any. But then wasn't the time to be thinking of such morose thoughts.

Instead, he searched the crowd for the one being that he'd needed there. He found him standing behind the cadets, a spot of black in the sea of red. Jim grinned up at Spock and the Vulcan sent him his half-smile.

Above them, Jim caught a glimmer of movement and he looked up. Standing at the railing of the gallery above the hall, Selek stood, watching the proceedings. Jim mouthed 'thank you' and smiled when he received a nod before the elder walked away.

* * *

Jim pushed Spock back into the bulkhead, holding him there by his covering his body with his own. They kissed feverishly, hands stroking each other's body in just the way that made them nearly go wild.

Jim ground his hips against Spock's, gasping for breath. Spock keened, gripping the blonde's upper arms, most likely leaving bruises.

He pulled Spock's shirt off of him and pushed him towards the bed that was theirs, now that they were on the ship. They fell, limbs tangled together, clothing flying as soon as they could remove it. (Jim was happy that they'd already removed their boots. They would have likely just pulled their clothing to allow them to touch each other, instead of having to deal with the hassle of those boots!)

Jim flipped them over and caught Spock's surprised eyes. He nearly choked from laughter.

"Are you sure?" Spock asked, hesitantly.

Jim smiled up at his bondmate and shifted his hips, cock nudging Spock's entrance. "What do you think?" he asked, hands trailing from the Vulcan's knees on either side of his waist to his hips.

Spock's dick jumped between their stomachs. "Hurry," he gasped.

Jim complied, snagging the lube off the bedside table and quickly preparing Spock before slowly sliding into his lover. Both of them almost hissed from the delicious friction.

"Please," Spock moaned. "Faster."

"Yes, my love," Jim whispered as he quickened his pace and Spock met his thrusts. Jim used his hands on his lover's hips to tilt him up so that he was straddling the blond. Spock controlled how fast and how hard they went, something that he was still getting used to.

They rushed towards climax and soon reached it simultaneously. Spock collapsed forward onto Jim, gasping for breath. Jim held him close, sweat slicked skin sticking together.

Their heartbeats and breath soon slowed and they both felt the exhaustion of working their first long day on the bridge and then making love. Spock yawned and his eyes fell closed.

Jim watched his lover settle down for the night, wondering how he'd ever gotten lucky enough to have him, because he certainly didn't deserve him. No matter, Jim thought, he'd spend the rest of his life trying to earn this honor.

"I'll always love you," Jim whispered into Spock's ear.

"And I you," Spock murmured back before they both fell into sleep.


	14. Epilogue: It's a Brave New World

"I called him." Spock didn't look up as Doctor McCoy came back into the room. "He's on his way down."

Spock nodded. His trembling hands gripped the edge of the bed.

Leonard sighed. "You know he'll be happy. Hell, happy doesn't even cover it."

"Thank you, Doctor, but I assure you I am not nervous," Spock told him. "It is merely the hormones."

The door opened and Jim entered the room.

"Is everything okay?" Jim asked, just as nervous as, if not more than, Spock.

His only answer was silence. Finally, Leonard groaned and spoke.

"Jim, what the hobgoblin is too scared to say," he ignored both of their protests, "is that you two are expecting."

Jim blinked. And blinked again before a grin broke across his face. "Spock, is he telling the truth?"

Spock silently nodded.

Jim crossed the room in two strides before catching a surprised Spock in a tight embrace. He pulled back and pressed a kiss to his bondmate's lips. They didn't notice a chuckling Bones leave the room.

"We're going to have a baby!" Jim whispered, amazed. "A beautiful little child."

"You are… amenable to our having a child?" Spock asked.

Jim leaned back and looked down into his love's face. His smile turned tender.

"Oh dearest," Jim said and pressed a soft kiss to the Vulcan's lips. "I'm a lot more than 'amenable' when it comes to our baby. I told you. I will _always_ love you. This child, though she came as a surprise, is one of the greatest gifts you could ever give me."

Spock relaxed for the first time since Leonard had told him the news earlier. "What leads you to believe our child will be female?"

"Love," Jim grinned and pulled him tighter to his body. "I just know."

* * *

Jim leaned against the wall, watching. His bondmate sat in the rocking chair that Nyota and Bones had given to them. He held their newborn.

"The crew keeps asking about you and when they'll get to see the newest addition to our family," Jim finally spoke. Spock looked up at him.

"Soon," he said, before beckoning his lover over. Jim knelt beside him and touched his child's cheek, amazed that this miracle was actually his. "I want to share this with only you for just a little while longer."

Jim kissed his cheek. "I know. They can wait."

They sat in silence, bathing their child in attention. Finally, Jim spoke again.

"Starfleet has sent our new orders." Spock nodded. "We leave New Vulcan's orbit at 0800 tomorrow."

Spock nodded again. Jim made himself comfortable as he looked on the most beautiful sight his eyes had ever seen.

"Thank you, Jim," Spock whispered. "Tamina and I would be on the planet now if you had not fought the admiralty."

"Spock, I will never leave you or our little girl," he reassured him. His lips quirked up into a smile. "They should have known never to mess with a Kirk and his family."

"Indeed," Spock agreed and looked at his bondmate for a moment before once again gazing down at the little bundle in his arms. "So how many credits did you win?"

Jim laid his head on Spock's thigh with a laugh. He should have known he couldn't get away with anything with his love!

"Enough for a few months' worth of diapers," Jim told him. He couldn't hear Spock laughing with his physical ears, but it reverberated through their bond. "I _told_ everyone we'd have a beautiful little girl with blond hair, pointy ears, and brown eyes."

They sat, listening to their daughter coo. Jim closed his eyes, completely content. This was his home. The _Enterprise_ , with the best crew in the 'fleet, and his bondmate and their child. Everyone on the ship had become like a very large family and he knew that the whole crew would spoil Tamina like the honorary aunts and uncles they were.

"Have I told you lately how much I love you?" Jim asked.

"Many times," Spock replied. "Just as much as I have told you."


End file.
